Today started out a bit rough.
That's because it began at 1:30am. Patrick woke up with a nightmare (I'm assuming) and refused to be consoled. Kevin cuddled, changed his diaper, sang, and rocked. Content in his arm, Patrick burst into screams of protest the second Kevin attempted to lay him down.
We tried to let him fuss. Neither one of us desire to co-sleep with our kids (with the rare exception), and we were hesitant to bring him into bed. Patrick raged for about 30 minutes, which at 2am equals 20 million years.
A bit of a parenting conflict entered the picture.
Kevin wanted me to try to sooth him, thinking that maybe I'd have more luck getting him into his crib. I was willing to let him fuss a big longer, but told Kevin that if he wasn't comfortable he was welcome to go get him. We laid there for 10 more minutes. I sort of lost it, fed up with 21 months of interrupted sleep.
It could go without saying that I was feeling the discrepancy of night-time parenting especially hard this night. But it won't, because I'm going to say it. Now that I no longer nurse at night, I was hoping that Kevin would take over the majority of night time issues. They are few and far between. This has not exactly been the case.
Kevin did get up with Patrick and slept with him in the other room. Neither one of us ended up sleeping well. Kevin couldn't fully relax with Patrick in the bed, and I kept worrying about how they were doing.
So when Kevin came in at 6am to ask if I would get up with Patrick so he could get more sleep, I was less than gentle when I "refused to acquiesce to your request." This was supposed to be my day to sleep in. While I never specifically mentioned that, I hoped he'd recall the 3-4 days this week he didn't get up until at least 6am, if not later. He didn't. Now I'm pissed off enough that it's not like I'm going to go back to bed anyway. We are both up, fairly pissy, and exhausted. Charming.
We talked it out rather well over coffee and Charlie and Lola. Some good listening skills came into play, Kevin gave a well thought-out viewpoint of his experience (and he was right--Patrick needed one of us last night). I told him I thought that night-time parenting was the last holdout of unequal experiences. We both agreed to keep talking and working on it, and the morning took a nice turn upwards.
But ladies, don't you feel my pain here? After 18 months of at least (and probably more, really) 75% of night-time and early morning parenting, is it too much to ask that somebody else take the lead? And once that's agreed to, the actual execution of it?
4 comments:
I completely and utterly agree with you. You've served your time! His time is here and now! At least you have the power to withhold, yet that would block your chances for #2. :(
Parenting is never equal. The nursing definitely made things more my problem, but I still get up a majority of the time at night with the boys. Because I am Mom. I am more patient with them and am better at deciding what they need; cuddles, medicine, whatever.
Yes.
That's the short answer. I wouldn't believe he actually agreed to it with a pure heart if it were anyone but Kevin. But they just don't know what they're talking about or agreeing to. Like you said, it is very hard to remember what you're supposed to do at 1am. But the rest is just that they are men.
When women choose to give birth we unconsciously assume certain parenting tasks which are always followed by the unspoken (or very seldom, spoken) modifier, "indefinitely" or prepositional phrase, "for the rest of your life." I will be changing diapers - indefintely. I will not get enough sleep - indefinitely. I would like you to get up with Patrick - for the rest of your life. Because that is what you've done, right?
We have always had and will always have these responsibilities just because we are the mother. It is just not fair, but it is the way God and nature intended. A child needs only it's mother. A father, especially a helpful one, is a bonus, no matter how beneficial. You're icing on the cake, boys! But mom is the cake.
Of course the reward is that we are the mother.
There are no exceptions to the nighttime parenting dilemma unless you are a single father or the only adult in the house at night. The baby, however long Patrick's babyhood lasts, will always need you more. As Oprah says, this I know for sure.
Oh no..... I already know what I'll do if it happens in April and it's just him, me and the dogs. On the couch with Charlie and Lola...... and maybe some marshmellows!!
Post a Comment