Cleaning

I'm working on the office.

This will eventually be the baby room. In the next year or so, if Kevin and I can get our act together. We are not know for the swiftness of our household projects.

The first step is getting all the crap out. I've found lots of interesting things.

Kevin saves everything. I knew this when I married the man. I was unaware that he saves empty DVD containers. When asked, "Why is this here?" The response is, "Oh, I forgot about it." Apparently he also forgot about the garbage cans we have for items like these. We also have boxes from electronic equipment as old as our marriage. I guess when these are placed on shelves, they magically become invisible to my husband.

Being a good wife, I did NOT throw away the comic books or baseball cards. But they will be going somewhere that does not inconvenience me. But Jenny, what about your stuff? Well, I throw everything away. Truly, I'll be a terrible mother who doesn't save any childhood art projects because they are in the way.

And don't get me started on the "costume box." It doesn't contain anything remotely beneficial to me, like a Zorro mask. But the black velvet cape has promise....

Perhaps the costume box isn't so bad.

It was supposed to have been fun

The girls tell me that pregnancy symptoms just sneak up on you. Stuff that's never been a problem before becomes life or death. I normally have a rock solid stomach. I can eat just about anything.

Correction.

I USED to be able to eat just about anything. Now I either gag, decide in the moment that I hate it, or it upsets me tummy. And rather inconveniently too.

We've got a girl's night planned. Dinner, all five of us beauties, no kiddos, at From The Bayou. And I get the most painful case of gas and bloating in the car on my way to dinner.

I really shouldn't have worn those pantyhose. My days of tight clothing are at an end for a while.
So I'm feeling like crap and trying to be fun and social. We all have tons to talk about after the holidays. I order my food and eat two bites. I barely sip my lemonade. Just looking at the table of food makes me want to gag.

Such a fun use of my allowance.

But Kevin was pleased. He got to take leftover crawfries to work today.

Luckily, as the last of the newly pregnant ladies (everybody else is on baby two or more), they are full of sympathy and encouragement. While I talk to people about this everyday, the reality of my own body is a different story.

I do have the bestest husband, because he picked up good drugs for me on his way home from gaming night. I think I'll start carrying mylicon and tums in my purse. Just in case.

Christmas

Note: Pictures will be posted. But Kevin is busy watching "The Devil Wears Prada" because he really likes all the fashion stuff. So I have to wait.

We had a great Christmas weekend.

I, too, was shocked.

We drove down Wednesday night in the pouring rain. I made Kevin turn around in Centralia because I was craving potato cakes from Arby's. Mom met us at her house and we had a great pizza dinner at the new place near her house. Earlier on the phone, she asked what kind of pizza we liked. We responded, "Oh, either Disornos or Freshetas in the frozen section of the grocery store." Hey, that's what we have on pizza nights. Mom was thinking something a little nicer. So she treated us to yummy gourmet pizza at 360 Degrees, a new place just down the street.

Dinner with the family was Thursday night. David came up after work, but Beth was too sick. We sent Dave home with leftovers. Cindy and Tom were there, and John brought his on-again girlfriend because at 17 years old, who really wants to hang with the fam? We opened presents! Mom got us a chainsaw complete with a riddle to solve before the chainsaw appeared. Cindy gave us a gorgeous cast iron skillet, perfect for whacking misbehaving husbands. But it was Danica and Freya who got to open the most gifts, all from Grandma.

She's very excited about having a baby around next year. And so are we :)

Friday we got together with Glen and Darling Stacia for lunch. Their house is adorable, so cutely decorated and much cleaner without two dogs to shed in the corners. They, not having babies and such, are off to Mexico for their first anniversary. Kevin and I just went out to dinner for our first anniversary. In Parkland.

Then we spent the evening with Jay and Elijah. Mommy Chenoah was off to Seattle for a lucky girls night out. All four of the puppies (combined weight about 250 pounds) ran around the house, played with the baby, and stole toys from each other. It was the most perfect, relaxing evening. Jay treated us to pizza (we tried very hard to pay for the whole damn thing, but Jay is a big jerk and would take any of it) and we hung out watching movies, chatting, and making the baby smile. The boys had a glass of very fine scotch, and even a sniff told me how tasty fine it was. We are going to invite ourselves back very soon to hang out again. They just have one of those comfortable houses that makes you want to linger.

Jay, being a sweetheart, took our puppies for the night Saturday so the in-laws could maintain a clean house. We spend the rest of the weekend with Kevin's family, laughing at Grace's comments, eating lots of food, and talking about everybody we know. Dinner was fab, as always. The most popular dish was the home-made mac'n'cheese. The next morning Kevin, MIL, and I headed to church (FIL sings in the choir). And I wasn't bored! Therefore, a good church service. Then the dogs were picked up, and we headed back for brunch. The dogs were relegated to the laundry room. Grace found it hysterical that Freya could get her paw AND tongue under the door.

Christmas Eve was lovely, just Kevin, me and our puppies. We watched Love, Actually. We ate my favorite chicken dinner with this sauce made with mayo and sour cream. It's so good I just want to stick my face in it.

I worked Christmas Day. Kevin called from home, wondering what to do for Christmas Dinner. Then we decided that only Shari's would do. Not as classic as Denny's, but better food. Overall, a great Christmas Day.

heartbeat

I'm still a little paranoid about this pregnancy.

I second guess everything. Should I be showing yet? Is it a problem if I'm not? How should I be feeling? Is all that "stuff" normal?

But I'm able to get my fix very easily at work, yet another benefit of the job. While filling out my timecard today (called in sick the last two days thanks to a nasty cold that is finally getting better), I grabbed a doppler (used to listen to the heartbeat) and tried to find my little baby.

And I DID! The heartbeat was 147 beats per minute! As one gal said, "Sounds like a boy!"

In seven weeks, we'll see if she was right.

surprises

It's been loads of fun spreading the news about our parakeet. Becoming a mom (in whatever way possible) is seeming like joining an exclusive club, but a very welcoming one. And I'm enjoying stories about pregnancy, birth, and babies more now that it's personal. Before, it was just part of my job. Unless you were a close friend, I didn't want to get into it. Especially during the last year and a half when I didn't even want to look at a pregnant person.

While to some this may sound cold, "Your a nurse and you don't want to hear about other people's experiences?" may I offer the following comparison. If you are my patient, I want to hear about it. If you are my friend, I'm willing to listen. If you are a stranger and we are standing in line for wedding cake, I don't care about how you pushed for three hours and pooped on your doctor. (This happened at the wedding of Kevin's co-worker three years ago).

So I hear that as you enter your second trimester, pregnancy is fun! Energy! Appitite! Sexual drive! Hi ho hi ho. Feeling optimistic, I started my morning with a glass of milk and held off on breakfast.

I saw the error of my ways as I drive heaved for five minutes a half an hour later.

Guess not.

Pics of the Puppies

Our babies...sharing for once. Like children, I don't think they are very pleased about it.

Danica likes to sleep on our stuff. And our bed. So our stuff ON our bed...the bomb.

Freya really likes this chair. So much so that we'll replace the cover before parakeet arrives.

So I took the day off work today.

I'll probably take the day off work tomorrow also.

This cold is nasty. I'm all snotty and sneezing. Not what mommies want hovering over their precious little newborns, even if the newborn looks suspiciously like an alien. Or a bird. Or a lizard.

And since I have more time off saved than Our Lord Savior Jesus Christ, I might as well use some of it for good instead of evil.

In between blowing my nose, I took care of some Christmas chores, baked spicy chocolate cake, wore out the puppies at the park, and made important email arrangements.

It's been a brooding sort of day. The kind of day where you pray a lot. For....whatever helps.

After The Storm, Kevin and I were fortunate. We were only out power for 12 hours. Living in the City Limits does have it's advantages. So it was only about 5 waking hours. Kevin used the camping stove to make breakfast, we lit some candles, and I took the dogs to the park and spent about one hour cleaning branches up from our yard. One big branch scraped paint off the siding when it hit the house. We filled both recycling containers, and we have a big pile of branches left to cut up.

It was a rough night, watching that wind. We live in an older neighborhood with lots of tall trees. Three on our property. Now we are considering having two of them cut down. Just the thing to spend a few hundred bucks on, joy of joys.

The Messiah was fabulous. We filled the church where we performed, so I'm thinking over 800 tickets. The soloists were great, and we did a pretty fine job ourselves. I usually don't enjoy repeating pieces, but I love singing the Messiah.

And thank goodness this nasty cold waited until Saturday to flare up. I feel nasty. Snot on top of pregnancy nausea is no fun. Aren't I supposed to be feeling better by now? My gag reflex has never been so sensitive. But I do think I'm starting to get a belly! Or maybe I'm just bloated.

We spent a fine time with Dana, Tim and Grace last night. Grace is just a hoot! All two-and-a-half chattiness and energy. We hit a place known for being kid friendly, lots of toys, and she just had a blast with other kids. It was fun to chit chat with Tim and Dana, catch up on news, and get ready for Christmas.

I am really proud of my husband today. He handled a difficult conversation with grace, compassion, strength, and courage. He was strong without needing to beat another person down. He was a good listener without being manipulated. He was firm without losing his temper. He used one of his core values, to always treat other people respectfully despite the difficulty of the conversation or the behavior of the other person, and demonstrated how it can be done in the face of adversity. He was the hero of the interaction. And he ended the talk with love instead of anger and guilt.

I have so much to learn from my husband.

Rotten dogs

At 6:30am I wake to thump thump thump thump.

This is Danica's tail again the wall, eagerly waiting for me to get out of bed and spend the day entertaining her. So I get up to let them out for pees, and go back to bed.

No deal says the dogs.

Tails thumping. Tongues licking. I hear them pacing back and forth in the bedroom.

Kevin is still asleep.

So I finally cave. I'm not going back to bed. I get up, grab a banana, and head into the computer room to do a little emailing. After 20 minutes, I look around. Where are the dogs.

Sleeping on the bed with my husband, calm as they never are.

Rotten dogs.

First, the Wife

It's Official

We've waited a long time to make this announcement.

We are having a BABY!

Kevin and I just returned from the 12 week ultrasound. This was my third one, and I'm almost completely reassured that I'm going to have a fine pregnancy.

They don't have the cool 3-D ultrasound machine yet (the one used at my 8 week appointment was the try-out), it was still amazing to see the changes in 4 weeks. We saw fingers and toes, stretching arms and legs, and LOTS of movement. Kevin says the baby will sleep like me, very actively. About 2 inches long from head to rump. The size continues to match up with my dates, and growth is right on track.

Our little parakeet is due around the end of June, giving me a summer vacation for the first time in 10 years.

It's been a stressful six weeks. As excited as we have been, it hasn't been "fun" due to all the worrying and hesitation. I'm hoping now to actually start enjoying being pregnant. My coworkers have realized that mine will not be a laid-back, I'm fine, go with the flow pregnancy. Oh well, maybe next time.

Kevin thinks it's a girl. Just to be onry, I'm guessing a boy. But for now, it's a parakeet

Parakeet: the offspring of a Parrothead.

The last two days I've gotten to play at being CHARGE NURSE.

Most of us cringe in horror at the possibility. Many have avoided it for years *cough Elisa cough* despite being so much more experienced than I am. But on Thursday, at her going away (and we gave her a Tiffany Bracelet the lucky girl) party, one of my bosses said to me:

Jenny! You are going to start training for charge on Monday!

In retrospect, I commented yesterday, it would have been better to just throw it to me on Monday. Then I wouldn't have spent the last four nights waking up every two hours dreaming about work.

But it was an interesting experience. Monday, my first day, was insane. Just one of those busy, slammed days on the floor where you just never have enough people because all the city shows up to have a baby. Trial by fire. Tuesday was lovely. I told my boss, "I'm not running around like a chicken today. Am I forgetting something?"

Somebody else asked me what it was like being charge. I replied it felt like wearing my mommy's high heels.

But surprisingly, it was alright. Which is good, as they will keep making me do it.

If I could just sleep through the night and quite dreaming about the hospital, that would be a bonus.

So a big thanks to everybody who was so wonderful and worked so hard Monday and Tuesday. And that was EVERYBODY.

Didn't sleep to well last night, either. Maybe I'll go window shopping at Borders. Thank goodness for my allowance so I can buy a decaf latte :) After all three student loans, Freya's detal expenses, and random crap, we are squeezing by until Friday. But there is gas in the cars and food in the house. We should make it. Even with splurging and turning the heat up to a whomping 65 degrees. That's a high at the Chase-Myers household. Bring a sweater if you come to visit.

Mom was up last weekend for my choir concert, so sweet of her. We did some window shopping for Christmas and Birthdays. She took us out for dinner and lunch! Such a treat. I wanted to go to The Spaghetti Factory. When we arrived at 5:30 on Saturday night, about 50 people were waiting. Giving up without a fight, we had a lovely meal at Vin Grotto. We hit the Factory the next day for lunch.

Kevin was sugar pie to his wife on Sunday. It made up for being a sassy bitch on Saturday. I guess it was his turn to be grumpy. His husband-psychic powers were full power the last two nights. He fixed me just what I wanted for dinner! Without being asked. Pasta and pizza. Lovely.

I've dreamt about work the last four nights in a row.

A restful night that does not make.

Then I wake up every two hours. Thinking about work.

Yucky

Another Post From The Husband

Just had to post this cutie pic of Danica. Hee Hee.

Husband

Damn it's cold. I decided to cook today simply to help warm up the house. I cringe at the thought of our heating bill. The one that comes right at the holidays. Just in time for me to spend $300 on doggie dental work, pay Kevin's second student loan, and try to buy presents for people.

Still tired. Still grumpy. Everything is normal. Let me confess to a few key people before I post on line. Even though I was "outed" at the latest staff meeting. There are NO secrets at work, I swear to God. But socializing sounds nice again. I have some girls I desparately need to call.

Lena is home! I would go and see her if the weather and roads weren't atrocious. Perhaps later this week. We do Gingerbread houses with Emily this weekend. Shaun might leave for Scotland again on Saturday evening, but that leaves him free to watch kiddos while Lena and I start our Christmas. Watch two children while packing for an international business trip. Lena is the kind of wife and mother that makes me proud to call her my friend.

And now I'm sinfully jealous of Camille, her wine tasting weekend, and her closet full of lovely wine. Perhaps she'll share some with me in July.

And that's a hint for you.

Pictures

First off, I'm begging for more pictures from Dave and Beth's wedding, my darling family. Kevin and I, being total idiots about the camera, forgot it half the time and ran out of batteries for the other half. Please O Please email me some pictures!


This shot is at the airport, in front of the limo Kevin splurged on for our ride to the Flamingo. Nancy asked us how much it cost. We refused to tell her.

Next we have pictures from Uncle Stan's visit to the Northwest for awards ceremonies. He's a big shot Col. in the Air Force, and his attendance is required as Grand PooBah. Lucky for us he could squeeze in a visit with the kids! Kevin was stuck at work and couldn't make it, poor guy. Uncle Stan is one of the token Rebulicans in our family. Good thing he lives in Texas.
As I was the first to arrive, I had Uncle Stan all to myself for a while. Then the boys showed up, and because they are so much cooler than me, they had much funnier things to say. Then I just laughed at everything. We had the very best time.

Kevin's show at TLT was amazing. Anybody with children that they are even remotely aquainted with should see their "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" over the next four weeks. The cast is amazing, and the set looks fabulous. Add lights, sounds, and creative costume and it's a delightful experience.

While I was at work having the cushiest day ever, I was hoping Kevin would touch up the house a bit. That was not to be by 9am with a cell phone call. Said call was ended early because Kevin had the dry heaves. Poor husband. Guess we'll decorate the Christmas tree tomorrow.

Jay has posted new baby pictures!

Finally.

So forgive him for being such a busy husband and daddy and admire his cute baby.

Bless the Lord for a sunny day. My dogs are happy and well-exercised. We were at the park this morning for over an hour. I ran into a few "dog friends," people I only see with their dogs, and got to chit-chatting. Lots of comments about the weather. It's no fun being at the park in the storm. But when you have a Labrador, out into the storm you must go.

Freya had a visit with the vet yesterday. Both of my girls do fine at the vet. But Freya has some tartar, and a cleaning is necessary. It will be about $300. I hope nobody wanted Christmas presents this year.

I've decorated my house for Christmas! This weekend Kevin and I will trim our very first Christmas tree. It looks pretty cute. I'm still needing a ponsettia, a wreath, and some unscented candles. Can't handle the smelly ones right now.

Lena, sorry I missed your phone call! I'd call you back, but you are in Sweden. In Puyallup, you get return phone calls. Miss you babe!

Kevin showed off the set for his show opening on Friday. Looks amazing. He's so good :)

Work was good! Yeah! I don't know about anybody else, but I had a lovely day.

Sybil is staying at our house this week. Not only did she take me out to a lovely Thai dinner after work, but she took my dogs for a walk. THAT is one hell of a houseguest. She's just wonderful, and I'm pretty tickled she's staying with us. The easy company is fun. Like college! Minus the heavy drinking and great sex with inappropriate men.

"Some" of you people are not allowed to comment about the previous sentence.

With the next three days off, I'm going to tackle some Christmas decorations, take care of necessary paperwork, and help Mom plan CHASEgiving so she'll quite stressing. As if Kevin and I are actually going to allow her to do major cooking. One time we had to go to the store three times for cornbread mix because she'd forget about it until it was black. It would have been four times, but Kevin had the forsight to buy an extra box of mix during the third trip.

It's very depressing to hear the heat pop on, knowing the thermostat is set to 58 degrees.

Another day at work. Where did all these pregnant people in Pierce County come from? And don't they know there are other wonderful hospitals in the area besides mine?

Sorry it's been a bit. I've been buried in a hole of my own making, and gladly. I'm tired and cranky. Overall very poor company. Anxious, nervous, and more than a touch grumpy.

There's much going on. Some I'm not ready to talk about. Some would be incredibly inappropriate to talk about. Some would hurt too many feelings. And while some people are totally OK with showing the world their momma never taught them good manners, I like to pretend in public that I know how to behave.

So here's a quick update before my daily nap.

The credit card balance is ZERO.

David and Beth are all married.

Kevin's opera was delightful, and Lion, Witch, and Wardrobe opens next weekend.

We finally bought a Christmas tree (fake, as husband is terribly allergic to real trees).

The stars have alligned (and not just because the Democrats are BACK BABY) and all the kiddos will be at Nancy's house for Thanksgiving aka CHASEgiving. I have the whole weekend off, Kevin's able to make it down for a few days, and David and Beth aren't working as well. Should be a riot. We'll make the boys play games, and Kevin owes Craig a fantastic bottle of wine.

Kevin's new toy/Palm Pilot has WiFi access. Pretty cool, I admit.

Pictures will be posted as soon as Kevin downloads them from the camera to the computer. No, I have no desire to learn how to do that.

Thanks!

My dear friend Alicia left the goodies on my doorstep as a lovely surprise.

She also didn't attach a card on purpose, as she wanted to "torture" me for a few days.

She can torture me like that at any time. And so can YOU! Call if you need directions to my house.

Ps. The wedding was a blast. I'd be writing all about it, but I just got over a charming case of the flu. Sleeping and throwing up for about 24 hours. Today I'm much better, just tired and cranky. So give us a few days to recover, and I'll post wedding pics and stories. But it was perfection. A wonderful 24 hours in Vegas.

presents from you?

I'm a greedy bugger. I love presents. All the time, for any reason, and I really don't care what it is. Useful or not. Put a bow on it, and I'd write you a thank you note for a head of iceburg lettuce.

Because my momma raised me right, I always write my thank you notes. Even if you gave it to me in person. Earlier this year I had to email TWICE to ask if somebody's kid had received our gift in the mail. Somebody else never acknowledged a mailed birthday gift. You know what I think of those sort of manners.

Therefore! Thank You Notes Mandantory!

Which reminds me that I forgot to write MariClaire a thank you note for a sweet gift bag a few months ago. Damn. Sorry MC. It's on the list. I guess the mandantory part should also include timely.

After seven hours of work I raced home, discussed DramaDrama with Kevin, drove the dogs to There's No Place Like Home (sniff, I HATED leaving them), bought Spanx nylons to suck it all in, bought a new purse because my fancypants one has a tear, packed way too much for 24 hours in Vegas, got a manicure and my eyebrows waxed for super cheap and it looks pretty good, and shaved my legs and other bits.

What a LOVELY surprise to spy flowers and candy from Trader Joes on my porch! With no card! Who is it from? I must must must write a thank you note! We scoured the yard with no success. So please, tell me who my new favorite person is.

Dear New Favorite Person: Thank you so much for the wonderful flowers and tasty chocolate. I like them a lot. I'm glad I will be home all week (after Vegas) to enjoy my cheerful flowers and eat candy all day.
Smoochies, Me

Not as painful

I anticipated the weekend before The Vegas Wedding to be full of stress. I was working all weekend. Based on past experiences at work, I was ready for more of the same. Busy, not enough staff, lots of emergences, lots of "I can't believe you came to the hospital for this" that keeps us even more busy. But it was surprisingly wonderful. I went home early. Two days in a row! Shocking!

Because I am a woman AND a wife, I came home early and cleaned the house, did a load of laundry, made some to-do lists, walked the dogs, took care of some correspondance, emptied the garbage, and overall prepared for our 24 hour trip.

Uncle Stan and I had been chatting on line for a few months, planning our visit. He emailed all us kids, but since I'm the only one who actually uses email, I'm the only one who answered. He thought for a brief moment that perhaps the boys didn't want to see him. Uncle Stan forgot a key factor. They are boys. It takes a crowbar to pry information out of them. But the day worked for all of us, a miracle in itself. I arrived first to the hotel, driving up in Kevin's truck since my radio has yet to be replaced and I didn't want to wear my walkman for the entire drive (I have done this in the past). Outside the hotel, smoking, was a bald guy. I figured it was Uncle Stan when he hugged me and started tearing up.

Chases cry at everything.

I had him all to myself for a few hours. Then John, David, and Beth arrived. Because they are all cooler than me, I had to settle with being teased for the rest of the visit about what a dork I am. However, as Beth teased David, I realized that David is very much like ME. His big sister. He thinks he does all the work around the house. He bugs Beth about spending money. He's like me! Hee Hee.

Uncle Stan sweetly took us out for dinner. We went to a chain restaurant that David was fired from for drinking underage off shift. Naturally, the gal that ratted him out was sitting there with girlfriends. She came over to say hi. David told his story to everybody that waited on us.

We talked and told stories until 9pm. They might have continued longer, but I had a drive ahead of me and a shift at work the following day. I was sad to leave. I don't have too many opportunities to connect with my Dad's side of the family. They live so far away. And my Uncle Stan has so many shared characteristic with Dad, that it brings him back to life in my memory. The way he tells stories. His voice. How he sits in a chair and gestures with his cigarette. His laugh. Not exactly the same. But close enough to remember.

Dad would really enjoy this Vegas Wedding. I wish he could be there.

It was a wonderful evening. Now Uncle Stan (who is a big ol' hot shot in the Air Force) needs to get himself up to McCord Base to see us again! He'll probably want to stay in a hotel because I don't love him enough to let him smoke in the house. Uncle Stan won't be in Vegas due to work, but his wife, the lovely Aunt Irene, will be there with Aunt Jean and Uncle John. I just wish there was more time to socialize with everybody!

I've got some great pictures on the camera. But I have no idea how to get them onto the computer. If Kevin has time tomorrow, I'll sweet talk him into it so I can post them.

Painful

More to come on family adventures, but we had a FINE time with Uncle Stan. We being the brothers, Beth-the-fiance, and me. Like my Dad, Stan has a deft hand with telling a story. We laughed for five hours. Such a blast.

I left Tacoma at 1pm. I promised myself that I would head home around 9pm at the absolute latest, getting me to bed around 11:30. And of course I was working today.

And it was painful. Lucky for me we had a great staff and plenty of them. It was an unusually charming day, meaning we weren't running around like chickens.

Can't wait for Vegas!

I actually have two days off in a row. I could have more, but thanks to spectacular bad planning on my part, that's all I get. I decided that it would be perfect to work three 12-hour shifts in a row, plus on call for an additional eight hours the following day, right before we leave for Vegas.

The odds are good that my house will not be clean before going to Vegas.

But everything else is falling into place. Our fancy-pants lunch reservations are made, I'm going to buy new shoes today (sexy black pumps), and David seems to have the whole wedding aspect under control.

Today I'm going with MariClaire and Sybil (and I'm not sure I spelled either name correctly) to the Holiday Craft and Food Festival at the Tacoma Dome. So excited. I love Christmas, and I love that the festival is in October before Halloween. So this should be a kick. And there is supposed to be free samples. That's almost as good as Costco.

Tomorrow I'm buzzing down to Portland to hang with the brothers and Uncle Stan! Uncle Stan lives in the middle of the Wasteland (Texas). The last time I saw him was at Dad's funeral in the middle of nowhere (Princeton, Illinois). I hope he can handle the stress of the big city.

He called me "Jennybud" in an email. I loved that.

boring update

Been working a lot these past couple of days. And boy, is there extra work to be had. Nice for getting extra money. Rough to always feel short staffed.

Kevin's gone most of the time as his opera gets close to opening. He's also building the set for the winter children's show at TLT, dealing with major work stuff as a new Artistic Director has not been hired, and managing auditions for future shows.

And he still has to clean the bathroom, poor thing.

David and Beth's wedding is closing in on us. We are all very excited. Kevin decided to use his 30th birthday to sneak in another Vegas trip! We'll still have a party, just not as hard core. More like soft core at the house.

It's been a good month. I hope it continues!

I never could get the hang of Thursdays

This is how I feel today

The weather is rainy and cold. Damp and uninspiring.

I made some soup today, but I had to hit four grocery stores for frozen squash. Nobody else had it.
The dogs are content chewing on a rawhide. The fish food is out of reach. Marvin seemed to enjoy the freeze-dried bloodworms. Yum.

I think I'll take a nap.

I hope Marvin doesn't starve. I came home from the grocery store intending to feed my fish.

The dogs got into the fish food.

Marvin in laying in the bottom of his bowel. My sheet on beta fish says they'll do that.

Maybe he's just depressed about it all.

I act the same way about a new plant, sure that I'm going to do something detrimental to this fish's well-being. And for Lord's sake, they live in plastic cups at the pet store.

Three AM

Even with my lifestyle changes in place, I still wake at 3 am.

No good thoughts come at three in the morning. Anxious, stressful thoughts race through my head and I can't get comfortable with my pillows.

Things I think about at three am:

Money
Getting Pregnant

For such a short list there is lots to obsess over.

Unable to relax, I got out of bed nine minutes early. That's 5:06 instead of 5:15.

Brad, you are a big jerk

So after a trip to Centralia to chat with the in-laws, we gleefully headed towards Steve and Christine's Oktobarfest party. They have the very funnest group of friends. They also serve Jagermeister in the spirit of the festivities.

Jagermeister is nasty nasty business.

Jagermeister is what you give college girls to get them naked in approximately 40 minutes.

Brad (Valarie's husband) had already been cruising the shots prior to our arrival. Within five minutes, he was dragging me downstairs to the "Jagermeister Room."

Mistake number one.

Then he gave me some shots. We'll say....four shots. Over about 30 minutes.

Mistake number two.

Two mistakes were all that were needed to ensure another night sleeping on the cold bathroom floor because I was just too dizzy to lie in the bed. Like last year, Kevin got me a pillow and a blanket. About 5 am I crawled back into bed with the beginnings of a headache but significantly improved disposition overall.

Kevin and I slept off and on until 9 am.

"You will never let me do that again." I told my husband.

The rest of the weekend was beautifully calm. Kevin watched his new movie "Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift" (thank God for allowance money) while I cleaned the house, cooked Navaho Stew, finished laundry, and walked the dogs. He's off at rehersal, I've got candles lit, and I'm trying not to interpret every body twinge. In the next couple of days, I should have more news.

Hopefully, it's good.

decorating with Marvin

Not wanting a bored fish, he now has a fake plant in his bowl. I guess they like to feel like they are hiding.

I know a couple of people who have figured out how to do this at work. A metaphorical plant, perhaps.

And he gets to eat now, too.

I'm a prototype. You can tell, can't you.

"I brought home a new pet today," I told my husband on the phone. I'd been at a nursing conference all day.

Insert polite, inquisitive comment from husband. I'm sure it didn't reflect his immediate thought process.

"His name is Marvin."

"What is he?"

"A beta fish. I hope I don't kill him. He's on the mantle."

"... we don't have a fish tank."

"We don't need a fish tank. Valarie told me they were easy." Like the Sun, if Valarie says it, it's so.

"OK, we'll see."

I don't think Kevin has any faith in Marvin.

I'm going to need a new book from the library.

Credit Due

I'm sure none of ya'll think I made up that funny story. But it did come to me via Carrie Chase, delightful wife of John Chase....

which John Chase, you might ask, because there are only Three Acceptable Names for The Male Child in the Chase Clan, and there are many Johns.

There is John Michael, John Russell, Russell John, John the First....

This is John Chase, youngest son of Stan and Irene Chase (Dad's younger brother). I successfully snuck him drinks of an alcoholic nature at Russ and Jenny's wedding nine years ago.

I love Carrie because she sends me wonderful cards, writes funny emails, and is just sweet as black bean pudding.

Not everybody can be best buddies like Mom and TWSM (Hi Cindy!)
But this is my kind of girl.....


THE PERFECT DRESS
Tammy's wedding was in one week and she was SO excited. Her mother had
found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed
mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Tammy was horrified to learn that her father's new
young wife  had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Tammy
asked her step mom to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I
look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she
replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind
sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special
day."
  
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous
dress.  When they stopped for lunch, Tammy asked her mother,
"Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have
another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and
replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner
the night before the wedding."

A busy Monday, my only day off between 2-days at work. Work remains busy ALL the time. We are all tired, overworked, stressed out, and hitting the wall. "Burned out" is a common phrase returned to again and again as we wonder why we have lost joy in the service we provide.

When I started 6 years ago, we did 200-250 deliveries a month. We were not keeping track of antepartum patients, triages, or other off-the-floor activities.

We consistantly are doing over 300 deliveries a month now. In May and June we broke records for our unit. We did about 600 triages last month (this is separate from patients we admit, these are patients we see and send home after a few hours). So with the same number of rooms and nurses as when I started (and on many days, less) we see approximately 1000 patients a month.

Kevin took care of tons of chores yesterday :) so today I'm focusing on long put-off chores and cooking some food for easy meals. The bathroom is cleaned. Lunch reservations for Vegas have been made. Finances have been checked. Dogs have been walked. Tonight is choir. I'll have Pumpkin Barley, Mac and Cheese, and Chickpea Curry in the fridge.

And I'm picking up some extra days at work. Where even more people are getting pregnant.

Sigh.

Thanks to Camille (and Paige, who suprised me with a visit!) I ate at the funnest place in University Village in Seattle.

Blue C Sushi...all the food travels around a little conveyor belt. You grab what you want off color coded plates. When finished, the waiter adds it all up. And Camille was sweet enough to pay the bill. She leaves back for LA and pining husband in a few days. Happy for her to go home, but I'll miss her terrible. I got spoiled by my visits with her.

Kevin and I hit the Greek Festival in Tacoma last night. Love it all. Dancing, music, kids in folk costumes, Retsina. We felt quite popular running into lots of friends.

My favorite quote of the evening:
Because really, a penis is a penis is a penis.

cheating, thanks to molly and camille

life would be simpler if...
my yard were magically landscaped
my husband found deep-cleaning the house was the only way to express his love for Jesus Christ, his personal Lord and Savior
I could get pregnant without peeing on a stick 15 times a month, while drinking lots of caffiene and alcohol

i feel most beautiful...
when my hair looks really good. Screw all that "when I have no make-up on and I'm wearing my husband's t-shirt." Lipstick helps, too.

the quality i like least about myself...
Bossy. Just a little bossy. And a know-it-all.

something that no one knows about me is...
I bite my tounge a lot more than might be apparent with my big mouth.

guiltiest pleasure?
Candles from Bath and Body Works. Well, all their stuff really. And I'm jonesing for this Elton John Candle. Probably have to be an allowance purchace.

high road or low road?
The high road, but only for the feeling of moral superiority it offers. And my firm belief in Karma.

my favorite possession is...
My house. We feel so blessed to have found it at just the right time. But we still think it needs MORE COLOR! Not to be confused with more cowbell.

when i was little, i wanted to be...
An astronaut or a cheerleader. I still want a pair of pom-poms. Those are the bomb.

what surprises me most about my adult life is...
I don't recall working about mold on the windowsills as a teen. It consumes much of my adult life, however. But I like being an adult much more than a child. More control.

the big decision i'm currently wrestling with is...
How to support my husband's necessary yet challenging boundary setting (without taking over and telling him what to do. There's that bossy and controlling aspect again).

my motto is...
1. People do what works.
2. Nothing's too cruel if it's funny enough (that's a Chase family classic).
3. Jimmy Buffett is a cure for all that ails.

A good ending

I love my husband more than I ever have tonight.

I walked in the door after my second 12 hour shift. I'll probably work extra tomorrow.

The house is GORGEOUS! So clean and neat and tidy.

That's MY man :)

Finally a post from the husband

Subject: Little known facts about me

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Production Manager
2. Carpenter
3. Courtesy Clerk
4. Janitor for Oregon Health Sciences University Hospital

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Love Actually
2. Blade Trinity
3. Tomb Raider 1, 2
4. Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

C) Four places I have lived:
1. Hong Hall, PLU
2. 1727 NE 142^nd in Portland
3. 2447 NE 165^th Dr in Portland
4. Our House in Tacoma

D) Four TV shows I love to watch on DVD or at Mom's house because we don't have any TV
1. Dark Angel
2. Alias
3. Veronica Mars
4. anything on The Food Network

E ) Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Ireland, England
2. NYC
3. The Grand Canyon
4. Victoria, BC

F) Websites I visit daily:
1. Bardicgrove.org
2. Giantitp.com
3. Growing Older Not Up
4. MSN.com

G ) Four of my favorite foods
1. Jamie Oliver’s Fritatta
2. Hummus
3. Mac and Cheese made with squash
4. Good Veggie Pizza

H) Four places I would rather be right now
1. Italy
2. London
3. Paris
4. Las Vegas

I)Four favorite ways to spend a day off:
1. Watching DVD’s
2. Playing with the dogs
3. Trying to get pregnant :)
4. Avoiding household chores with my wife

Perhaps my shopping discussion is getting old. However, my "I'm not pregnant yet" conversation is boring the shit out of me. So I'll take anything different for variety.

Bath and Body Works, one of my favorite stores because they are always sending me delightful cupons for free products if I only spend (blank). Since there are so many lovely things to spend money on their, I'm a willing player in their marketing ploy.

Fall is the time for Pumpkin candles. I wait all year for these to arrive. And I can only burn them in fall/winter. They just don't smell right in the spring. But our collective family eye was attracted to these huge ceramic pumpkins. It goes just right with our poisoned apple candle and creamy caramel candle.


So I may be bummed, but my house smells good!

More about shopping:

I also bought two pairs of shoes at Payless ShoeSource. I haven't been to Payless since I was on my mom's paycheck (Hi Mom!). Back in the day when we didn't have any money, Mom wasn't very interested in the style ambitions of her children. So our shoes, like most of what we wore, were cheap. So Payless was the VERY LAST place I wanted to go as an adult with my own money to spend.

Until I saw these shoes on Molly's blog. Adorable. They must be mine.

So on Shopping Sunday, I tried them on. Perfect. But there was a teeny tiny flaw on the inner trim. Hmmm. No others to be found on the shelves. I sensed an opportunity for a bargin. Taking the shoes up to the counter, I pointed out the (for the sake of bargining) HUGE flaw to the disinterested 18-year-old sales guy.

"Would it be possible to get a discount?" Sure

"How about fifty percent?" Yeah.

Those shoes walked out with me for $7.50.

And these for good measure.

I'm afraid this post doesn't deserve my weeklong absence. I blame 12-hour days at work, the start of choir, attempting to clean the house, an absent husband, a previewed "Dreamgirls," drama-drama, gardening ambition, and a new obsession.

But on Sunday, Kevin and I had a bit of a shopping spree. My shopping has a familiar and predictable pattern. I hoard money, loath to spend a dollar and questioning every cent at the grocery store (I have been know to cry with the realization that I spent $0.59 more than necessary on canned goods). Then, in a fit of desire, I go crazy with an item I've been wishing for. Two days later, I look at our bank statement on-line, and panic. All our financial dreams and goals are destroyed because I bought two pumpkin candles at Bath and Body Works.

But it was a good bit of fun while the high lasted.

It started on Friday night, the opening preview of Dreamgirls at Tacoma Little Theatre. I dropped some dinner off for Kevin and recalled suddening that there would be free food at this party. So I should attend. But Kevin was snazzy, and I was cute but casual in trainers and a Gap t-shirt. Maybe I should change....
Then I remembered The Boots at Target. Kevin has been after me to get new boots. They are a challenge to find for big-calfed girls like myself. Most don't zip up. And I don't want to spend $100 on shoes that I'll rarely wear.
Pretty dang cute for $36.99, huh?

The new shoes were a big hit with the husband. And thanks to Molly, I'm brave enough to wear them with black tights.

I worked today.

Kevin is hard at work opening a show. Therefore, he's not home very much. So the puppies detox on my shift. Grrrrr.

I have some landscaping to do tomorrow with my new plants! About $130 worth! Thank God they were 40% off. So stop by sometime and see my new curly-haired cyprus. He'll need a good name, any thoughts?

Sybil is going to hang out with me for ArtWalk. I hope we can track down some free wine.

Day ended on a bummer note. So I self-medicated with Butterscotch Rice-Crispie Treats covered with peanut butter and milk chocolate.

But perhaps there are small blessings hidden in this journey. On Saturday I triaged a patient. Nothing exciting. Listened to the baby (looked great), ran some labs (looked normal), did lots of education (patient young and...young). Night shift sent her home. I arrived at work this morning. "Come see the pictures of this placenta!" Awful begins it. Without going into gross descriptions that will mean little to most of you, I've never see a placent look so bad. "Are you pregnant?" my charge nurse asks me. I frown, bummed at the question. "No." "That's good," she responds. This patient, this girl I took care of Saturday delivered her baby on Monday. The baby is doing quite poorly at the highest level NICU. If this baby lives, significant brain damage is likely. CMV is the current thought. I could have been exposed unknowingly. So perhaps this is a glimpse of God's Grace. That when the time is right, our baby will arrive.

Doesn't make the wait any easier, though.

Camille and I had a great lunch at Il Fiasco, with WINE!

We had many things in common today.

Many of our sentences started with, "Well, my therapist said...."

We are setting LOTS of boundries, thanks to our therapists.

We are both defining "immediate family" as "my husband and I."

We are both grieving.

We are both aching to move forward.

We are both very fond of our therapists.

I have my first choir rehersal tonight. I'm grateful for the fun, but it does make Mondays a bit long when I work. We are doing the Messiah AND a Sounds of the Season concert. Makes me tired all ready.

It's not been a good couple of days. Work was fine, house is fine, everything is fine.

And you know how I feel about fine.

I'm bummed out, discouraged, frustrated, annoyed about all the same stuff. Blah Blah Blah.

So Kevin and I were at coffee this morning. Starbucks. Yes, I know all about supporting local businesses and I'm a big fan of that concept. But in the fall Starbucks has Pumpkin Spice Lattes, and I would sell my Mom (hi mom) to the highest bidder for a Pumpkin Spice Latte.

Kevin (bless his heart) was gossiping about work and mentioned The Pregnant Girl (who is 12 weeks and can't lift more than 20 pounds, tell that to my hard working pregnant nurses who still manage to kick ass at their job). She's very excited about wearing maternity clothes.

Starting to tear up, as asking Kevin if we could NOT talk about that. Feeling bad, he strove to change the subject. But I was still moping a bit. Wanting to make me smile, he reached deep down and came up with this jem.

"Well, on the bright side, you still get to have lots of sex with me this month!"

It worked.

It's all a part of being a pirate

It's been a bit of a difficult few days.

On top of the familiar Drama-Drama (of which I've dominated every conversation with for months, and my sincere apologies for that), we have added the following:

I'm not pregnant, again. Major bummer, lots of moping and self-pity yesterday.
Major changes at Kevin's job. He's currently one of two full time people at the theater with a show opening in two weeks. When he was hired, there were six. Due to lay-offs, various sudden departures, and injuries, there are now two. Kevin is one of them. So he's a bit busy right now, but the TLT community has really come together to pull Dreamgirls off. I'm so proud of him.

But we are still finding time for the important things, like Pirates.

Next Saturday is the Portland Pirate Festival, and we will be there in full regalia!



Next week is filling up with girlfriends, accupuncture, haircuts, landscaping, and family. Kevin and I are full of hope for babies, jobs, money, and the magical completion of all the household tasks that make Mom crazy when she visits. Mom, you shell out the cash and we'll do whatever the hell you want!

ps. Kevin's birthday party is going to have a "Pirates and Wenches" theme. Everybody start shopping!

My girls

They have never thrown a temper tantrum in the grocery store
They have never given me cracked nipples
They were potty-trained in three weeks or less at one year old
They eat the same thing every day and like it
They were a hell of a lot easier to get than a baby, for Lord's sake!

Freya and Danica, our first babies

Another Cheat, from Aunt Jean

Subject: Little known facts about me

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Labor & Delivery Nurse

2. Home Health Aide

3. Raspberry picker

4. Blockbuster Video floor clerk

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Return To Me

2. White Christmas

3. Lord of The Rings, extended version with production commentary

4. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

C) Four places I have lived:
1. Harstad Hall (all girls, all boring) Pacific Lutheran University

2. Gresham, Oregon

3. 3158 Dahlia Lane, Eugene Oregon (the address I memorized in Kindergarten)
4. Grants Pass, Oregon

D) Four TV shows I love to watch on DVD or at Mom's house because we don't have any TV
1. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

2. Alias
3. Rick Steves' Europe Through The Backdoor

4. anything on The Food Network

E ) Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Ireland, England, Scotland

2. NYC
3. Hell's Canyon

4. Mazatlan, Mexico

F) Websites I visit daily:
1. Camille's Blog

2. Lena's Blog

3. Dooce
4. The Red Portfolio

G ) Four of my favorite foods
1. homegrown tomatos in season only

2. figs

3. roast chicken
4. Turkish Delight

H) Four places I would rather be right now
1. Margaritaville
2. London

3. On a boat

4. Las Vegas

I) Four things I will do with abandon this week since I'm not pregnant yet:
1. drink wine

2. partake caffeine

3. eat blue cheese, sushi, and cured meats

4. be bummed out

J) Four favorite ways to spend a day off:
1. Reading

2. Playing with the dogs

3. Trying to get pregnant :)
4. Avoiding household chores with my husband

It's been a kicky couple of days. Camille and I finally had some alone time :) at Starbucks for a brief hour in between our various social engagements. It was so wonderful to really talk about what's been going on, versus quick superficial conversation surrounded by everybody else. Then she was off to a hot dinner date with Paige, and Kevin and I hit the Thurston County Fairgrounds. The concert on Thursday was a riot. Great band, great music. It felt like going to a family reunion, and your favorite group is playing. The Wicked Tinkers don't wear panties under their kilts either, for I'm certain I saw a little Bum flashing when they were spinning around. But the best was running into Phil! After months of missing each other, we made some plans.

I introduced Phil to William and Babblin Babs' Bistro on Proctor. My new favorite spot, with specialty sodas, custom chocolate truffles, and a very chatty chief.

Saturday I did some shopping while Kevin was hard at work auditioning for TLT's Chronicles of Narnia, their winter holiday family show (meaning kid friendly). Thank goodness for allowances. I bought new magazines, Seducing The Spy by Celeste Bradley, a gorgeous pumpkin sweater from The Gap, and new eyeshadow from the Origins counter (along with five fun free samples!) After dinner we partied with the neighbors at Terry's block party. Terry is the one with lots of cars in his yard. But he's quiet, therefore almost anything is OK with me.

Sunday was the third meeting of The Girls' Church of Breakfast. Desiring a break from expensive brunches, we hit The Hob Nob per Alicia's desires. We will be sweet next time and do something in Olympia and Puyallup in the future. But people keep asking me to choose places, and I choose places that do not require me driving more than five minutes. Kevin and I spontaneously hit Rosewood Cafe for their Second Sunday wine tasting. Featured were Steele Wines, and they were lovely. Kevin conned me into buying a VERY EXPENSIVE bottle by the following phrase:

We should save this for our 10 year anniversary!

How could a girl resist?

After two busy yet uneventful days at work, it was a lovely start to my five days off.

(Have I mentioned how much I love my schedule?)

I visited the library and picked up loads of new books. I went a little crazy "shopping" on the library web site. They post lists of their new arrivals, and you can put them on hold even if they haven't arrived yet! The problem is they usually arrive all at the same time, so now I have loads of pressure to read all these books in seven days.

Then I bought the new release by Nora Roberts, Morrigan's Cross. I'm not big on her blockbusters, but I adore her various series, especially the magical/paranormal ones. I read that while I took myself out to lunch at Babblin' Bab's Bistro, a new place in Proctor with FAB sammies. Today I had a French Tarragon Egg Salad sandwich with Sasparilla Soda.

I will spare you all the boring, self-absorbed details of my visit with my shiny new therapist. It was my second time (no longer a therapy virgin!). Once again, her insight and advice was quite valuable. Even thought a big piece of it was unexpected. As I reflected on it, it sat easily on my spirit. That's how I know when I'm on the right path. My dad's earlier advice continues to ring true; doing the right thing is usually the most difficult.

Tonight is Wednesday, therefore Kevin is gaming and I'm alone in the house. I'm grateful for the quiet and solitude. I made homemade Mac and Cheese ala Rachael Ray. I might read. I might watch a movie. I probably won't do any chores. Tomorrow we'll head to a concert in Olympia to see the Wicked Tinkers!

I burned the shit out of my hand this weekend. We were cooking for Nancy and Craig, a lovely idea that Kevin and I decided was too fucking complicated and we'll never do it again. Not that we'll never cook for our parents.....they are such gracious guests and tell us how perfectly brilliantly we do everything in the kitchen...but it will just be for fun, not a gift.

It started with some surprise bills towards the holidays. I don't even remember, probably a mix of car repairs, too many dinners out, and "oh yeah that student loan AND our utility bill is due this month." So we decided to gift services to some familiy members instead of the traditional gift. Part of that was cooking big, fancy dinners for our respective parents.

Not too hard, to get four adults together at the same time, right?

Well, we treated Kevin's folks in June and my folks this weekend. Like an act of God, or worse, an act of Congress to get this accomplished.

So we're cooking roast chicken, potatoes, baby zucchini. Simple fare but great ingredients. I have the chicken on the stove. I'm ready to make a simple sauce for the chicken. I grab the handle of the saute pan.

This pan was just removed from a 450 degree oven.

After five hours of icing my burnt fingers, I could still feel the hot metal against my skin within 10 seconds of removing the ice. My mom had to cut my chicken for me. I slept with my hand on an ice pack. Kevin won Husband of the Day when he washed the multitude of dishes the following morning. Mom was pretty upset about it. "I just hate watching you in pain." I told her she'd better get it together by the time I had a baby, because I'd heard that was a little uncomfortable.

Hopefully that will happen sooner rather than later! I've got a good feeling about this month....but I also had a good feeling about Adam Brown my junior year of college and he took another girl to the winter dance. I hope my instincts have improved with age.

Stuff to do to have a life right now.....

Learn to play the guitar

Take tap dancing lessons

Work on landscaping the front yard

Find a yoga studio

Hang out more with Camille, Paige, MariClaire, Gini, Sarah, Sibyl, and anybody else who seems fun

Finally get more family pictures up around the house

A cheat

1. FIRST NAME? Jenny not Jennifer just Jenny

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No, my mom liked the name

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Almost every day at work, last big cry at the Therapist

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Occasionally

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Prociutto

6. KIDS? No, working on that like a bunny in heat

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes, I'm a hell of a lot of fun. I also have loads of self esteem.

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Now I do

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Yes, but only to be funny. Sometimes it works

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Only if physically thrown over the ledge

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Wheetabix (it's English) with soy milk and berries

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Absolutely

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Pistacio

16. SHOE SIZE? 8.5

17. RED OR PINK? Red

18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Controlling and bossy

19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My Dad

20. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Nick and Nora blue PJ's with strawberries and matching slipper

21. LAST THING YOU ATE/DRANK? My one cup of regular coffee with soy milk (I'm not allowed any more by the accupuncturist)

22. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? NPR

23. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Indigo

24. FAVORITE SMELL? Pumpkin, Lavender, Rosemary

25. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Kevin, My sweetheart

26. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO: are they sort of geeky, I just love that!

27. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, my high school correspondent, Becky

28. FAVORITE DRINK? Rose Wine, dry, but only in warm weather

29. FAVORITE SPORT? College Football, Go Beavers!

30. EYE COLOR? Blue/Green/Grey

31. HAT SIZE? Medium

32. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Glasses for distance, and they are Kate Spade!

33. FAVORITE FOOD? Restaraunt Food

34. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Happy Ending

35. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIES? The DaVinci Code (for the second time) at the Blue Mouse Theater

36. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Blue with strawberries

37. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring

38. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses, preferably with tongue, but only if you're family

39. FAVORITE DESSERT? Pavlova with fresh fruit and Moscato

40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Just finished The Expected One by Kathleen McGowan, have a few others waiting on hold at the library. Also have 8 Weeks to Optimum Health by Dr. Andrew Weil and a fertility book by Dr. Alice Domer

41.WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? It's a boring free one

42. I WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Nothing because I worked all day then went out with the fun nurses, but Kevin watched Dark Angel, again.

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? The Six Perfect Words, Kevin saying "I Love You, Here's Some Money" Or "Let Me Take Care Of That."

44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Neither, make mine The Travelling Wilburys

45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? England

46. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I am a great nurse, and I give wonderful unsolicited advice. My husband is particularly fond of that.

47. WHERE WHERE YOU BORN: Grants Pass, Oregon on a day so popular my brother used it two years later. But he never forgets my birthday!

48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? The Lovely Becky

I noticed this morning

I noticed this morning a disturbing trend. And I have little faith that it will improve.

It's dark outside when I get up to go to work.

Bummer.

Happy Birthday Mom!

We celebrated Mom's birthday on Saturday at The Melting Pot with the grandparents. It was their first experience at a fondue place, so it took a bit of explaining to figure out what five adults were doing for dinner. Our darling waitress, Sarah, said happy birthday.

Mom: I just turned 35!

The waitress looks at me, the woman who has been calling her "Mom." I'm clearly just a touch older than 15.

Grandma: So that would make Jenny...

Mom: I was promiscuous.

Hope, feathers and all

I had a GREAT day today.

Boy it feels so good to write that down.

I saw my chiropractor, and tomorrow (thanks to a cancelation) I'll see the massage therapist. Such is the suffering in my life to start my day with a backrub. Paid for by insurance! And while Cessalie, my wonderful chiropractor, won't be there, I'll settle for seeing her darling husband and cohort, Robert, to adjust my neck and back. Sigh.

Then I spent a million hours with my best in-town college girlfriends and their combined six children at Lena's house. Mattias and I bonded over the swingset when he graciously allowed me to push him on the swing. We had a FINE time.

MariClaire joined me for dinner at A Taste Of India, then we had drinks (well, tea) at Mandoline Cafe. We discussed lots of important current events and didn't spend any time at all gossiping about our men, dogs, friends, friend's men, houses, yardwork, romance novels, sex lives, babies, and crazy assorted family members.

Overall, a very good day. And I'm going to work damn hard to make tomorrow good as well. While I've come to understand that challenging days will occur and be dealt with, I can use everything in my arsenal to make things as good as possible. Therapy, hopefully, will help.

My friends are the best, and so is my husband, my mother, and my wicked stepmother. And those brothers, too, are pretty great.

Thanks guys. Some battles just have to be faced alone, and yesterday was one of those days.

With much Love, my neverending gratitude.

But don't forget about the presents.

:)

Today felt like being trapped in a well.

Stuck treading water just to stay afloat with no progress made. No sign of support. Alone and dreading the unknown, wondering just how in the hell I'm going to get through this.

It has occured to me that I'm not doing nearly as well as I had hoped. That my journey is going to get much darker before the end.

I feel like this journey is taking over my life. Happiness is more about distracting myself from the emotions that remain all too close to the surface.

Anger
Bitterness
Fear
Grief
Lonliness
Jealous
Guilt
Shame

And while working with pregnant women isn't the easiest thing to do at this time, the bigger challenge is my friends, both at work and home. Many coworkers are pregnant, most have children, some are celebrating the arrival of grandchildren. The nurses desks, the break room, the locker room are filled with conversations, baby gifts, and notices for showers. The majority of my close friends have children, some are pregnant as well. There is a great sense of shame involved when, on one hand you are so very happy for your friends' good fortune. Yet the jealousy and anger can be so very overwhelming. We are sincerely joyful for you, only so very heartbroken for ourselves. Unless you have walked this path, you have no idea how intense, complicated, and enveloping it is.

So, my friends, if you do not have a baby chances are I will want to have coffee (decaf please) with you sometime in the very near future.

From about 10am-3pm I cried today. It was a bad day.

(please send presents to my home address. thank you.)

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Lena: Thanks for calling the other day and offering to carpool to Emily's house. I really need that support this week. Looking forward to our "Glory Days" party of three!

Dear Cindy: Thanks for letting me monopolize the conversation today. I truly appreciate your indulgence with my nonstop MeMeMe focus. Tomorrow you can do all the talking.

Dear Kevin: Thanks for letting me spend money on new plants. I'll try not to kill them. But the porch/patio really needed improved fung shwey.

Dear Emily: Thanks for letting us come over to your house on Thursday. And for feeding us.

Dear Alicia: I'm so glad your vacation didn't end with a newspaper article beginning, "And among the injured are...." Let's escape for an hour and have coffee!

Dear Cessalie (my chiropractor): Thanks for letting me cry in your office. My neck feels much better.

Dear future baby: Where are you? Hurry it up!

Surprise meetings

I met Renee and Joel today. She knew me, but I had long forgotten her.

But she didn't mind. Renee quickly reminded me of our single meeting, five years prior.

I was still working part-time at "The Other Hospital." Renee was 40 weeks pregnant with her first child. Her doctor, a nice man but traditional practitioner, scheduled her for a labor induction because "she was due." Renee, wanting to be done but reluctant to induce for convenience, showed up at the hospital. She met me.

Renee said that I told her that she and her baby were fine. That I was unaware of any medical reason for the labor induction. That she didn't have to be induced today. That she could just go home and talk with her doctor about a plan they both felt good about. Renee said she walked out the door. And she came up with a plan, as well as a whole different doctor. She delivered her baby at "My Hospital" with no induction. She was thrilled that she trusted herself and her body to make a good choice.

So I'm walking my dogs home when a tan Ford Explorer pulls up and a pretty redhead waves at me, jumping out of the car. This is Renee.

"I've seen you around town for years and I've always wanted to stop you and thank you for telling me I didn't have to be induced."

Today was a good day to receive such a precious gift. Thanks Renee.

So Mom was over at the house. I was excited to show off our new acquisitions: the hand-me-down kitchen table from Jakki, the IKEA entertainment center, the new Botticelli print from Art.com.

"Oh! She's nekkid."

Mom, it's Botticelli's Venus. It's a nude, a classical famous nude.

"Look, her breast is showing! She's nekkid."

Later on, Kevin pointed to the leftover curtain fabric covering half the painting.

The nekkid half.

small blessings when the waves swell

My husband washed all the dishes. I came home to a neat house.

A new mystery from the library is surprisingly engaging.

Fresh heirloom tomatos from Metropolitan Market sprinkled with sea salt, pepper, and olive oil.

Frosting straight from the can.

A bubble bath that smells like oranges.

Reading in the sunshine after 12 rough hours at work.

"No matter how many losses, or how deep your ocean, you still must cope one wave at a time. Grief, in and of itself, isn't something that will come, last a period of time, then go away. It's like an ocean, sorrow coming in like waves, then receding and coming back when you're not watching, hitting you full force in the back, or slamming you straight in the face. Then, it recedes again. You take it one wave at a time. Eventually, the tide will go out and the waves won't be so high, nor the current so swift. But the ocean will always be there. "
F.L. Mills

Gorgeous weather and I'm on my way to work. That ALWAYS makes me sad. Mom's been in town the last two days. Such a doll, she drove her sewing machine all the way to Tacoma to help me hem curtains. And I only really helped on the last one, because she didn't trust me to do it up right. But they look brilliant! We've been feeding her well as a thank you. Kevin cooked up some fish tacos (with Mahi Mahi tuna, because that man don't cook with cheap ingredients), and we made a field trip to IKEA yesterday for lunch and window shopping. Then Mom was hit with inspiration and put us to work again recovering my ugly dining room chairs with leftover curtain fabric. Looks amazing. She'd love to crack the whip with more home projects, but she has a tennis game today with Cindy/the other ex-wife/the wicked stepmother. So we're safe for now.

And Mom, known as the last person alive to read The Da Vinci Code, check out Dan Brown's website with all the great pictures.

Happiness is

leaving your husband's 24 hour old dirty dishes (plus some newer ones for freshness) all over the house where he left them.

Baby, they are all yours in the morning. Have at it. I'm going to bed.

Dreams

For years I never had dreams worth remembering. Oh, the occasional nightmare as a child about "strangers," of which I had been well drilled in the dangers by my parents. But my sleep was easy and undisturbed. Patterns changed my last year of college. Suddenly I was waking constantly from dreams filled with unease and anxiety.

I had two recurring themes amid mostly unpleasant dreams.

One, where my teeth would fall our of my mouth in chunks. I could feel them crumbling before I spit them into my hand. This would usually occur in a social setting, like work or school.

Two, I discovered quite casually that I could breath underwater. I suppose this is a variation of the flying theme. These dreams were thrilling.

Chase family lore had several dream tales, most of which I've forgotten. But I remember my dad talking about seeing his grandmother by her bed the night before she passed. He woke up, saw her, and went back to bed. When she was discovered in her home, she was wearing the dress he saw.

I dreamt the night before my dad died. I knew he was getting sicker. I did not expect him to survive, although how long it would take was unknown. David was flying out to be with him. In my dream, Dad looked young and healthy, like I remember from childhood. My dad at his very best, before disease and addiction took over his body. His hair was dark. He wore a black t-shirt and khaki pants. We were talking. People were going to come over to talk about him.

"They need to figure out what to do. I don't know what to do."

I walked over to my dad and wrapped my arms around him. Dad was sitting, and I stood over him with my arms around his shoulders. I rested my chin on his head.

"It's OK Dad. I love you. You can go."

I woke sitting straight up in bed. David called me 20 minutes later, to say Dad was on life support in the ICU and the family was talking about what to do. He died later that afternoon.

I still dream about my dad. I like to think he's visiting me. In my dreams, we both know he's dead, but we rarely say anything about it.

Jerry sent us a letter by Jeff, who just lost his wife, Sarah. He shares with her the last moments of her life. In this fashion, he generously allows her friends and family to share in that as well.

The morning before you died I had a dream. You were in a new body and you were on a green hillside in the sunshine. You were marveling at the beauty of your new hand. Then you just laughed and started dancing. You finally got the new body you so longed for in this life. It is a beautiful, whole body and it is eternal.

Perhaps he was visited as well. I like to think so. Maybe he does, too.

The Captain and the Kid

While Kevin and I spend too many long hours commiserating, rehashing, and psycho-analyzing (emphasis on the psycho) various dramas that would put a group of 8th grade girls to shame, I have to say a thankful prayer for the health and safety of our combined families. It's been a rough month for many.

A close friend of Kevin's parents, Sarah Creswell (sp), died unexpectedly while on vacation in Hawaii. She leaves a large group of family and friends who miss her terribly, including her husband, Jeff, three accomplished and loving kids plus spouses, and two grandchildren.

A co-worker lost her beloved "two-peas-in-a-pod" brother in a tragic car accident on the way home from Lake Chelan. He survived Iraq and was her "best man" for her September wedding. Say a prayer for all, including the survivor of the accident.

My darling Camille discusses on her blog her mother's valiant battle with cancer, and the decision to work with hospice care as her disease is classified as "terminal." She writes with more eloquence, honesty, and courage then I can repeat with justice. Take a look at her blog, and send her your support.

We have survived our camping trip, quite dirty in the process. While the weather was varied, Kevin and I managed to survive some surprising thunderclouds. Saturday evening was perfection, with great food and company. But we did wake at 3:30am to put up the rain cover due to surprising demand!

More details to come....

Tellyermommahi!

As I bravely dip my sweet little toe into the blogging world, I've been quite flattered that a few gals have come to visit me. And they comment! Unlike many of my friends, who are big nasty lurkers and don't feed my ego.

"And if there is anything more important than my ego around here I want it taken out and shot."

So go visit them, because they are witty, entertaining, and regular writers.

Unlike Jay, who is too busy running a business, being a new dad, and taking care of his beautiful wife to entertain the likes of us.

BelleChats

Mrs. Flinger

Molly from Iowa
(she even has a link to Camille's blog!)

I worked today.

It's still hot outside.

Camping this weekend=prep work to be done=less time for doing jackshit.

No major emotional breakdowns in the last couple of days.

Received my brother's wedding invite today. It's red and black, featuring multiple headstones in a cemetery. David and Beth are VERY SERIOUS about death do us part. It's awesome.