What are you doing New Year's Eve?

This is not a holiday for which I have a grand fondness.

I'm not like one of those annoying Anti-Valentine's Day people, calling New Year's a "Johnny Walker" holiday and throwing ironic parties with only tea and cookies for refreshments. But I've just never warmed to the concept. Plus, my birthday is in TWO DAYS and that is much more important (to me, not so much to anybody else, who are all out prepping for their hangovers, those lushes).

So the last couple of years have been rather bland. Either I'm working or at my Mom's. Or Kevin is working. Or one of us is working tomorrow. Or I stay home pregnant/with Patrick/pregnant again while Kevin joins some friends at party central in Auburn. I'm not awake at midnight, and Kevin and I share our kiss around 9pm if we happen to be in the same city.

This year there was potential. Both of us are home tomorrow. Kevin got off work at 6pm. Get a sitter? Go to one of the many (ok, two) parties we were invited to?

Or put the kids to bed, put on our jammies, and putter around the kitchen while we poke on the internet?

It's 8:43pm as I type. Kevin is talking to me about Star Wars mythology. "...and then the Sith destroy the academy on Ossus." Once again, I will be asleep before midnight. But with my husband beside me, which makes 2011 a very good year.

How many days are left?

After a slow start, our family is getting into the holiday mood. I like to get decorations up right away, but having my floors (and house) a disaster zone made it impossible. But Kevin was able to knock the rest of the floors out thanks to some sunny weather. He did amazing and it looks amazing. The ground floor looks bigger with all the same flooring. It's opened up really nicely, and we can see the potential in our sweet house! After we get through the holidays, we are going to tackle painting. One wall at a time...

And now that chocolates are done, Lisa can come boss me around and tell me what to do with colors. (Thanks Lisa!)

We got the tree up one night after the kids had gone to sleep. I got most of the ornaments up, leaving a handful of kid-safe ones to put up with Patrick the next day. Kevin hung two ornaments and then wandered off to tackle other tasks.

"You don't like decorating the tree, do you?" I asked.
"Sure I do."
I gave Kevin the "wife look." "Every year you hang maybe three ornaments. At least this year you did other chores instead of just watching me do it."
"I do that?"
"Every year."
"Oh."

So while I got Christmas decorations up, Kevin organized my utility shelves and dealt with the detritus of our home improvement project. Everybody wins!

10 months

Dear Fiona: You are 10 months old

All of your skills have really kicked in. You are feeding yourself almost exclusively. When we try to help you just grab the spoon or fork and do it yourself. You are like your brother at this age, you'll eat everything! I'm sure that, also like your brother, you'll eventually give that up and live on five food items for the next 2 years.


We are watching you pick up on new games all the time. Recently you learned how to blow kisses! And you are giving kisses all the time, big open mouth ones! With drool! This will not be as cute when you are 18, so you might want to rethink this certain style before dating.


And also like your brother, you are a busy, physical kid. I turn around and you have crawled up the stairs, or down the stairs (you've learned to go down backwards), or onto the chair, or on top of the bathroom stool, or somewhere else equally unsuitable. You want me to put you down so you can get into it, whatever it it. I'm at the point where I'm ready for you to walk because then at least I can give in to your demands. I thought you'd be walking by now, but crawling is so fast you hesitate to give it up.


You are a sociable kid, but still really into Mom. As long as I'm around I'm your girl. I try to remember these days are short. Someday I'll embarrass you and you'll exasperate me. In the meantime, keep those big sloppy kisses coming.

I love you sweet girl!
Love
Mommy

Great Wolf

First of all, please forgive the smug and self-congratulatory tone of this post. It's just that everything went exactly as I planned! The vacation was a personal holy trinity for me; a finely executed plan, saving money/getting freebies, and being right about it all. I'm sure that the only thing saving me from being completely unbearable about it all was the sheer fact of being on holiday. And that my husband is a saint.


Desperate for a vacation, we decided to hit Great Wolf for a few days in November. We went mid-week to skip the crowds and hopefully hit some deals. I happened upon a notice of an online special that hooked us up with a good discount. We decided to go for two nights. Having heard rumors of mediocre food quality, we packed in our food and snacks (and wine!). We figured we'd have loads of time to play in the water, enjoy the room, wander the hotel, eat ice cream, and get a break from our life.




And it just worked out so perfectly, exactly how I envisioned it!


We planned to leave right after picking up Patrick from school, but school cancellation from the windstorm put the slightest crimp in my plans (I really needed him to be at school right now! I'd whine as frantically packing up). We arrived noonish, and I checked in while Kevin waited in the car with two sleeping kids.

"Would you like a free room upgrade?"

Why, yes I would!

We landed in the Grand Bear Suite, a very nice upgrade. I heard later from a lifeguard they were at 10 percent capacity. There were no lines anywhere. Perhaps 300 people in the pool, and that's guessing high. I tried to go down one of the big slides and the lifeguard said I was the first person he'd seen in 10 minutes. And maybe about 20 kids at the evening storytime.


Patrick waiting for storytime to begin.

Playing on the lilypads.


Fiona loved the water!

Patrick really got a kick out of the slides, even going down some of the bigger ones! Kevin and I took turns going down the big ones! We had so much fun we're thinking of trying to get back for our anniversary. Plus, Kevin really wants to play the MagiQuest game.

It was a great break for the perfect amount of time. By the end, Patrick was worn out, Fiona needed a good nap, and we were ready to get the kids back to normal. But it was totally worth it, and we can't wait to take them back again this time next year. Who's in?

Nine Months

Dear Fiona: You are nine months and Mommy is worn out.

To be fair, it's not all you. Your brother...oh, don't get me started on your brother. Bask in this time of being my favorite child. I'm sure your day will come. Someday, you too shall be a three year old.

But...in the meantime...you are a nine month old. Who does not sleep through the night. Let's start with this, shall we? You go to bed by seven. You are going to bed very nicely, even when it's just Mommy doing the bedtime routine. A few books with Patrick, a nurse and a snuggle, and into bed while still awake and off you go to dreamland. Then you are up again at nine. Then 1:30am. Possibly again around four. And last time at five, if you really want to push it. Sometimes you'll go back to bed. Sometimes you are up! At five! Like your brother used to do.

You children are killing me slowly.


But you really are pretty fun. And you are doing tons of new stuff. Walking is so super close. You can stand solid for a few seconds, and when you sit down it's very deliberate, not a falling plop to your bottom. You are cruising furniture all the time. You spent our whole vacation at Great Wolf walking in the water holding tight to my fingers. You are climbing onto everything (like the toilet) and basically making it impossible for me to get anything done.


You have big smiles for your family whenever we walk into the room. Patrick loves to get you after a nap. "Let's go check on sister!" he shouts. You think he's pretty funny. And you actually stop crying in the car when he sings you a song. Usually Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. But you are in a big mom phase right now. If you don't want to be all over the place (usually at a very inconvenient time) then you want me to hold you (see previous statement). While it's always nice to be wanted, you could want your Daddy sometimes too! Then Mommy could go to the bathroom in privacy.

And he's such a cute Daddy. Make him your favorite anytime, girlfriend.


You were a champ on our vacation. You loved the water and there were tons of places you could play at Great Wolf. He we are checking out some of the floor fountains waiting for Patrick to go down the slide. I can't wait to see what you are able to do next year.




Here you and Patrick are doing what you both do best: getting into stuff I don't want you to touch. You have crawled and climbed your way there, the two of you, and you don't seem to be too impressed by my chastisement. Like the dogs, I think you guys will get in more trouble together than alone. Fantastic.

I love you, and please go back to sleep.

Love
Mommy

The money in the bank makes it all a bit easier

The opera is done. It was amazing, such a great show. So well cast and super funny. Not all opera singers can actually act, so it was wonderful that Tacoma opera found a whole bunch of them. Kevin is off at the party. Mom was here watching the kids so I could see the show. She did offer to stay so I could hit the party as well, but I chose to stay home. Mom needed to drive home before 7pm, and my kids needed a normal bedtime. Plus, I head back to work tomorrow and wanted to get my act together.

So despite the fact that I was grumpy as hell and lost my shit multiple times over the past four weeks, biting a big hunk out of Visa makes it all seem hazy and glowy-like.

I keep thinking of all the things on my list that I get to do with another adult! Patrick's haircut! Holiday pictures! Doctor's appointments! Life is good.

Mom took my kids to the park while I was at the opera. "It takes a long time to get them out of the house," said said. Yep. Remember that the next time you ask me when I last cleaned my refrigerator. (Now, to be fair, she asked me this as she was cleaning it FOR me, and it was in a really nice tone of voice. But still.)

We are trying to figure out the holidays. It's kind of a bitchy process considering we all work wacky schedules that come out a week ahead of time. I might be begging for a holiday invite, so have pity on me.

Patrick sang "Jesus Loves Me" with the sign language yesterday. Fiona is winning the battle with her dinner and can consistently get it into her mouth.

And hopefully, on Monday, I'll get a lunch break.

And Now for Something Completely Different

I got the chance for a bit of pampering the last couple of days. First, I spent some long saved allowance (also know as the financial decision that saved our marriage) and got a fancy-pants pedicure at Foxfire Salon in Proctor. 90 minutes of quiet time all to myself! I brought with me a fun non-fiction read, "What French Women Know: About Love, Sex, and Other Matters of the Heart and Mind" by Debra Ollivier. A fun mix of memoir, cultural study, and gentle self-help. There is something about having nice looking toes with a fun color. And since it's been about six months since my last one, I was due for some pedi-primping.

Then Kevin surprised me. "I made you an appointment to get your haircut." While I've been talking about getting my hair cut for ages, the man knows me well enough that I could easily procrastinate the decision until Christmas. But I was nervous. A Big Change was in the air. Now I just had to go for it.

And go for it I did!

Kevin adores it. Patrick gave me a big smile when I came home. "Mommy! You got your hair cut!"


I'm pretty happy with it myself.

Figures the picture I like best is where I'm changing Fiona's diaper. Oh, the glamour...

PS. I see Carrie at FoxFire Salon in Fircrest. She's amazing!

Almost done

Patrick, I'd love to post better pictures of you, my sweet boy, but you are constant motion and deliberately refusing to pose. So this is what you get. Bad pictures on the internet forever!

The opera is almost done. It's been a rough last week. I've been worn out and feeling like a Mom On The Edge. But Halloween is done, life will be normal soon, and I'm slowing the schedule way down.







In the midst of Kevin's crazy schedule, we decided HEY! Let's get the floors done. Kevin's Dad was an absolute SAINT! He joined us Sunday night, slept over, and started with Kevin on the floors first thing in the morning. At our house, that's 6am. Two days of dust and hard work ensued. But they got through 3/4 of the work. It looks amazing. The pictures do not do it justice. PLUS....I got a new dishwasher. Since money is just flying out the window, what's another $400? Mom reminded me that spending money on your house is a good thing. I agree, but it still makes me have a seizure just a little bit, seeing our saving account shrink so fast. Next is painting, and I'm making Lisa come over to tell me what to do. Because she doesn't have nearly enough to keep her busy :) Maybe I should give her some free coffee.





I learned a hard lesson this last weekend. There were so many fun activities going on! I wanted the kids to have fun! So I crammed too much in, ignored their sleep needs, and paid a heavy price. A hyperactive/over tired three year old who pushed my buttons with every waking breath. A baby girl who manged during the day and woke up 3-5 times each night, ending with a 5:30am wake up call and happy coos. Once my mom joined me, I had a good time. The stuff on my own (like the preschool Halloween party) semi-sucked. This week we are slowing down, getting back into our (soft) routine, and going to bed on time!



Halloween was a blast. We joined the Larson's for some dinner and old fashioned neighborhood trick or treating. My Mom came along (Praise the Good Lord) and Kevin stayed for a quick dinner before heading off to the opera. For the first 20 minutes, the children all competed to see who could make a parent's spleen explode the fastest. Patrick had been wearing his Anikan Skywalker Clone Wars costume for days. After crying to bring his light saber everywhere, he finally got to carry it trick or treating. After five minutes, he handed it over. "You want your light saber, buddy?" "No, Mom has it." Thanks Patrick. Fiona was the cutest bee ever. I just love those tights with the pretend mary janes! And the little stinger on the tushie! She was very cooperative about taking pictures. The boy, not so much, as evidenced by the significant difference in picture quantity and quality between my two children.

Eight Months

Dear Fiona: You are eight months old! And then some....but lets not be picky about it.

But I'll be frank. You are wearing me out. Have I said this before? Well, I mean it again. You are my darling delight but you are a LOT of work. You want to move. You want to walk. You want to feed yourself. I'm constantly working to find places where your brother can play and you can get on the ground. Because it's not fun to maintain Constant Vigilance about keeping barkdust out of your mouth.


The hemangioma is nearly gone. We're quitting your medicine early. Partially because it's a total pain in the neck to try to give it to you. If it starts growing again, we'll get back on. But it's nice to have one thing off the list.



Fiona, we must talk about your sleeping habits. One, you are still particular about your naps. Conditions must be perfect. Thanks to the swing, you get at least one good nap a day. And it will get you to sleep so I can read your brother some stories in peace. But must you wake up several times a night. And be happy about it? Mommy doesn't want ANY happy noises at night. Cry, nurse, fall back asleep. It is not playtime, girlfriend. More sleep for Fiona equals more sleep for Mommy equals a really happy Mommy that wants to help Daddy be happy as well.

And mealtimes are another issue. While I really appreciate your raging independence (I swear you are more independent than your brother age difference be damned), I'd also like to just get some food in your tummy. I hate to tell you, but you cannot use a spoon consistently yet. Is it such a bad thing, to let me feed you? I know you can do it, since every time your Nana watches you I hear about how big an eater you are.


We think you are so fun, so beautiful, so perfect for us. I love hearing you talk to me. I love watching you get closer and closer to walking. I love cuddling your sweet body as we nurse at night (for about 10 minutes). You and your brother just giggle at each other, and Patrick loves going to "check on you" after you wake up from your nap.

I love you, my sweet girl!
Love
Mommy

Home Improvement, but where is Tim Allen?

Everybody keeps asking, "How's the floor going?" Well....it's quite slowly going, but it's the best we got right now. We need to finish the subfloor, then Kevin can start laying down the Pergo. But there is enough of a smooth surface that Fiona can get down. Our schedules are just killer on home improvement projects.

And speaking of schedules, Kevin started on rehearsals for "The Elixir of Love" with Tacoma Opera. I can't wait to visit with everybody and show off my kids! I think, however, they'll appreciate me leaving my germs at home. With Patrick coughing and my running eyes and nose, I think we'll wait on that. Almost all our babysitters are lined up. Fiona was quite cranky with tonight's babysitter. I paid her extra. Kevin is getting great hours at work considering all his limitations, which we are very grateful for. It just makes it hard. My Father-In-Law said he'd help when they get back from China. Praise the Lord and pass the power tools.

The house is coming along. Thanks to the blessing of a few decent days, the painting has begun! We decided to shake things up with the paint color. No worries, family, we aren't following our old patterns of bright (horrid) colors. Just a slight change. It's Slate Tile, Grecian Ivory, and Manor House (dark gray). Quite suburban. And after getting the roof, gutters, and windows cleaned, it's really looking good. And Kevin says I can get a new dishwasher now as we replace the floors! Ours is so awful and has been since we bought the house eight years ago. I'm just so excited to get things looking nice and fixed up. With our student loans finished THIS DECEMBER! we'll have a healthy chunk of change...once we pay off the Visa and our VW loan.

I'm going to try singing again with our worship team at church. Rehearsals are Wednesday evenings, right around the kids' bedtime. We'll see how it goes.

Turns out I will still be a crazy person

Kevin tore out the carpet in the living room and the laminate in the entryway. The dining room is next. The laminate in the kitchen and utility room can stay, but only because Kevin's going to lay the new floor right on top.

Our house is a disaster. Boxes and piles and everything out of place. Until the OSB is installed, I can't let the baby on the floor. My I-Want-To-Walk-Now Baby. The one who hates to be restrained and can't be bribed with more Charlie and Lola.

I'm going to lose my mind before this process is over. And given that Kevin and I rarely have a moment to do these projects, it's not going to be a three-day-rush ala The Larson's Roof project. It's going to take WEEKS.

I rushed off to my Mom's this weekend so Fiona could crawl on the floor and I didn't have to deal with my mess of a house. I don't mind a little dirt. I have dogs and realistic expectations. But I HATE the clutter. The boxes everywhere and shelves over-flowing. It just makes me so cranky, which leads to picking on my husband, which leads to a very ill-tempered husband. So I'm taking a very deep breath, a swallow of free beer from Dave, and all the self restraint God will give me, and letting it go.

But in the meantime....

I'm desperate for afternoon playdates. If I call you, please say yes! Think of poor baby Fiona needing to crawl on somebody else's floor!

To my Dad on his 60th Birthday

Dear Dad: Happy Birthday! I've been thinking of you more and more, these last few months. I'll admit, it's been an up and down road for me, grieving your death and missing you and being really angry about lots of things.But slowly, slowly, I'm moving past the anger and remembering how much you loved us and how fun you were. So clever, a hard worker, a bit of a prankster and a master story teller. David inherited that effortless cool. I think that should have been mine, being the oldest and all. However, you never made me do yardwork, so I guess it all evened out.

I think you would have really liked my husband. I know you liked him in the small amounts you were with him. And you would have DUG your grandkids. They are a riot. Would you have wanted to babysit? Or perhaps you would have preferred to reign supreme as Carnival GrandDad, leaving me to do all the boring discipline. I'm going for the latter.

Two kids with the same birthday, you got lucky on that one. Mom joked that you didn't, because you guys missed the tax write-off both times plus it screwed up some work schedule thing.

We got to watch Top Gun when it came out on video. I don't think you had Mom's permission for that one, considering we were only 9 and 7 years old. But then you got me to watch The Fly by telling me it was a love story. Not so much, Dad.

I remember you and Grandpa Swanson digging this pool out by HAND. We became the very coolest family on the street. After you and Cindy got married, we had the best backyard with a couch and cable TV on the porch. Not bad for 1990. Plus we had a TV and VCR in the van long before you could custom order them. You were always ahead of your time.

This must be some summer vacation while you lived in South Carolina. That baby on your back is almost 21 now. John has grown from a great kid to a great guy. He has a workshop just like yours. David is 30 and married! You would really get a kick out of his job, working at Widmer, even though you weren't a huge beer guy. You'd love his wife. Beth is so sweet, hysterically funny, and an amazing hard worker. She'd make you laugh.

This is one of my favorite pictures of you. Kevin looked at it and said it was a "Jimmy Buffett picture." We had so much fun on those boats.

Here is my biggest expression of love to you. This is such a great picture of you and a terrible one of me, yet I'm including it for all my friends to see. Yes, I permed my hair on purpose. And I just noticed the cigarettes and vodka glass. Because it's your birthday, we'll just let that slide for now.


I heard a song on the radio driving home today by Zac Brown Band, "Highway 20 Ride." And it gave me an idea why it got to the point that you just couldn't drive us to the airport anymore. It must have been hard, always saying goodbye to your kids.



That T-Shirt was from a high school youth group. We'd tour to a bunch of churches and perform our show. You wore that T-Shirt so proudly! Never did have much fashion sense.

You arrived with that sweatshirt to our wedding rehearsal. It really made me laugh, because how could anybody miss you. Not only were you a total ham, but a shameless one at that. But you weren't the type to steal the spotlight. It's just your stories were always funnier. Even now I'm thinking that you would write this so much better.


Getting ready to walk down the aisle


Here we go.

It's hard to be a Daddy's Girl without the Daddy. Sometime I think I still get a visit in my dreams. The dreams have changed over the years, from anxious questioning to sweet nostalgia. I still think you set off our smoke alarm that one random time. I get woken in the middle of the night quite enough, thank you, so you can just stick with the daytime hiding of the keys (because I'm sure I don't lose them all that much).

We danced to "You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins. I love that song so much, but I hate listening to it because I just cry for missing you. I miss what we could have had as adults before you were lost in the fog of addiction. It happened so slowly we didn't take the time to try. Then we all had the wake up call that it was too late to try. Then you were gone. And we were left to deal with all the unsaid words, the emotions, the emptiness, and the reality that life continued on. It's been a long road for me, Dad. I regret the not-saying. You know that I love you, that I loved being your daughter. And in the end, there is nothing left but to forgive each other. And just because I'm here and you're there, love continues on.

So Happy Birthday Dad.

Love, the first Itty Biddy

Seven Months (ish)

Dear Fiona: You are seven months old, and WOW do you have a lot going on. I thought six months was a big deal, but you just keep movin' and groovin'.

You now have four teeth (two each on top and bottom), and you seem to think this entitles you to all sorts of eating rights. You'd like to feed yourself, and you'd like to feed yourself with whatever we are eating, thank you very much. Forget this baby food deal. Mommy has found it very challenging to make you food. She's got to laugh at herself: once again something she swore she'd never do has become common place. But the Sprout brand is rather nice, and you really enjoy the flavors. And we give you lots of our own stuff, cut small so you can try to get it into your mouth by yourself. I have to say, you aren't very successful. But the trying keeps you busy so Mommy can eat her own dinner.

You are standing up all the time, with less and less support. We find you holding on with one hand only, quite steady on your feet and looking very pleased with yourself. Just yesterday you made the tiniest inch sideways with your foot while standing up. So you aren't cruising the furniture just yet. But I have a feeling it won't be long.


Mommy and Daddy are working hard to get you napping on a regular basis. Poor sweet girl, you have just been stuck with the smallest of naps in between errands and chores. So we are making it more of a priority. I'm hoping it will help you settle down better at night. It's been a rough couple of weeks getting you to bed in the evening. You just don't want to stop! Your little brain continues to check it all out! So you don't want to nurse, bounce, rock, shush, or lay down. Daddy has been taking a lot more bedtimes and nighttimes after nursing is done. Hopefully more consistency on our part with help you go to sleep nicely.
You do such a good job entertaining yourself. You don't want to be alone, but you can cruise around, checking it all out, while the family works around you. As this is not your brother's strongest skill, I really appreciate it in you. It's so much fun to show you new things and watch you explore it.


You and your brother really dig each other, but as you've gotten more mobile he's become just slightly less enthralled. Now you can grab his hair, arm, toys, food, and clothes. I remind him that you are little and learning, and he needs to use his words. "Sister, don't DO that!" OK, I guess that counts. But five seconds later he's calling you "sweet girl" like Mommy and Daddy do and giving you hugs and kisses. You guys laugh at each other.

You remain entertaining, challenging, and perfectly wonderful.

I love you, my sweet baby girl.

Love
Mommy