Talking fertility

Getting pregnant. Kevin already says I'm doing much better this time around.

And no, you dirty birds, he's not talking about my performance.

I'm officially not pregnant this month. While I'm not surprised, I'm bummed out. I'm also OK with it. This is a drastic change from the first time we tried to have a baby. A long, 18 month journey that included fertility monitors, mucous examination, sex on a schedule, a miscarriage, acupuncture, chiropractor visits, and therapy (love therapy). And finally, Patrick. I didn't do so well. The majority of it was my own mind set. I went into it convinced that it would be difficult and filled with heartache. And I was right. And while the journey would have been the same, perhaps it could have felt different, if I'd just calmed the hell down.

Don't get me wrong. I don't get pregnant easy. But I still got pregnant without spending thousands of dollars. My blessings have been counted. I'm just rather envious of my girlfriends who can get pregnant without too much stress and bother. And I'm grateful for my girlfriends who get what it's like to not take a positive test for granted. Even as I wish none of us shared this story.

I've made a different choice this time around. I'm just going to have faith that a baby will come eventually. And in the meantime, I've cut back on booze, caffiene, and sugar. I'm got a referral for a new acupuncturist. I've seen my chiropractor. I've ordered some books. I'm scheduling some yoga and hypnosis. The fertility monitor has some fresh batteries. Most of all, I'm going to .... that dirty word ... relax.

And I do solemnly swear that I will not post some internet calender on this blog with my suspected ovulation date each month. That's just a bit much, don't you agree?

The fun part of parenthood

22 Months

Dear Patrick: You are 22 months!

You continue to keep your Daddy and I on our toes. We took you to a wedding in town recently. You did very well, no screaming during the service, and you had so much fun at the reception. But keeping you quiet took lots of planning and attention on our part. And it was constant vigilance at the reception to keep you out of imminent danger. One of us would have fun with grown up conversation and dancing, while the other played on the stairs with you. We took turns. But you really wanted Daddy the most. Hee Hee.


I fuss about your talking, but I should brag about everything you seem to be learning. I'm always surprised to realize Yes! You do know the difference between the forklift and the dump truck! And I'm pretty sure you've got your colors down. Shapes are getting there, perhaps about 50% of the time. You can identify lots of different people, even when you haven't seen them for a bit. You know lots of body parts (guess which one remains your favorite?) and you are very good at your walrus impersonation.

I'm having to be more creative in toddler entertainment. You are quite imaginative; left alone to your own device it's pretty hysterical what you'll come up with. For example, today you took a squirt bottle with water. At first, Daddy squirting you in the face was fun. Then you squirted yourself in the face. Then you squirted you toys and wiped them off with a blanket.

However, I can't just hand you something and expect you to play with it for 45 minutes. Unless it's a really bad idea, then you'll mess around for hours. But I usually pay the price in the end. So offer guidance I must. We've started cooking together. I give you some dry ingredients, bowels, cups, and spoons. And you make stuff. Mostly a mess. But it's quite a time and you are very focused.

I also think I need to be stricter with you. I think I let you walk all over me out of convenience. OK, it's not that bad. But I say no without thought, then I give in because it's really not a big thing in the end. Then I'm surprised at your protest later on. I've got to buck up a bit, but deliberately. Picking my battles. Today I did not pick the lunch battle. You had three bowls of Wheatabix for lunch. Hey, it wasn't Fruit Loops!

Easter was a big hit. As evidenced by earlier video, you loved finding Easter Eggs. You also loved Peeps. We got you blue ones, can't you tell?


Raising you continues to be the adventure, the challenge, the meaning of my life. And as I love watching you grow and change, I also want to wrap my arms around your sweet toddler body and keep you like this forever. Ornery, obstinate, and all.

I love you sweet boy!
Mommy

An Easter Tease

Put your money where you mouth is

I love me some date night. It didn't seem quite as important with a newborn. Then you just want to sleep for eight hours in a row. And who wants to bring their breast pump to Der Rosenkavelier?

But I understand the allure now that Patrick is a toddler.

Boy, is he a toddler. A boundary testing, "no" all the time toddler. Poor boy just wants to get his hands on everything! He's got a lot going on right now, and it's hard to keep up. Both Kevin and I need a break now and then.

Lisa and Derek's wine club has been the perfect solution.

Tonight was perfection, as always. Interesting wine choices, fabulous food (oh my sweet Lord, can they cook), and delightful company. They ask, and we are happy to give, some money to help defray the cost of everything. It truly seems quite a bargain.

A wonderful high schooler from church babysat Patrick. She's the greatest teen, the teen all parents wish upon themselves. Smart, outgoing, sweet, and really wonderful with Patrick. My goal is to make babysitting for my kids the best experience so as her time gets more limited she'll still want to come over. Therefore, I pay her $8.00 an hour. And let her play on the computer after he goes to bed.

Tonight: Dinner = $30, Babysitter = $40

Once a month will have to do.

A response to Stacia

Dear Stacia: Thank you for the lovely comment. Unfortunately, I am not getting thinner and thinner. If it were for pregnancy, I would down the ice cream like nobody's business. But no. It's rather the generic done-nursing, too-much-chocolate-at-work, hard-dog-walking-in-bad-weather, overall-not-paying-attention. A new pair of pants I bought is a leeetle tight. Don't you hate that ladies? A perfectly nice pair of pants that only fit you at ONE weight, two ounces (or pounds) more and your ass just don't look right anymore? At least the pants were only $8.99 at The Gap, but I think I might need a more forgiving pair. Hopefully spring sticks around, I stay away from candy at work, and those pounds can slowly slip away.

Or you can have them :)

Love
Jenny

Arizona in 40 hours

Kevin's cousin, Doug, was (finally) getting married to the lovely Rachel. They were having a beautiful wedding at a gorgeous resort in Arizona, The Wigwam Resort. We were looking forward to sunshine, swimming pools, spa treatments, a dressy and romantic evening, and a night in a hotel room with no toddlers or dogs to wake us up.

And we had 40 hours.

Friday night we joined some friends from work for Big Bad VooDoo Daddy. When was the last time we attended a concert? Before Patrick was born, probably. Snazzy clothes were necessary. See Kevin's great two-toned shoes? And I'm wearing the dress that Kevin "made me" buy. I have on knee high heeled boots with this. We felt pretty darn cool.

Three hours after we went to sleep, we got up to get ready for our 5:10am flight from SeaTac to Phoenix. Running on excitement and adrenaline, it seemed bearable.

Now this just cracked me up in Phoenix.

On the bus to get our rental car (a red Mustang!) after a lovely flight. We flew US Air, which had the most comfortable coach seats ever. Decent leg room and not too cold. Now it's 70+ degrees, sunny, at 9am! I love Arizona.

We called from the airport to beg for an early check in. She told us that they wouldn't have a King bed, but a room upgrade with two queens was available. Was this OK? I told her we could handle that if we tried very hard. She laughed, and got us in early!

Our gorgeous room. So beautiful, the beds were perfection and the room was huge! I asked Kevin which bed he was going to sleep in. He said the one with me in it.

The view from our balcony! This is the smaller courtyard pool. There was also a larger main pool with a waterslide and pool-side grill. Both were heated, had small hot tubs, and outdoor fire pits.

Hanging at the pool. That color is a Tiffany blue called "For Audrey." The name alone made me buy that color.

Kevin squeezing in a cat nap for thirty minutes. I was too hyped up to nap. So I read a book in the sunshine. Heaven.

We lounged at the spa for an hour before our various treatments. They had a co-ed pool/lounging area, with separate jacuzzis, steam rooms, and saunas. We ate lunch by the pool in our bathrobes. Kevin tried the steam room, while I took a shower with all their smelly soaps. He got his nails cleaned up and I had my hair done. Totally worth it. Plus, this was the only meal we paid for the entire weekend (aside from snacks for the room and at the airport).

My dress is a silky fabric with black, gray, and pink watercolor flowers. I got a gray cashmere shawl, sliver strappy sandles from Payless, and spanx underwear. That stuff is the bomb.

In our wedding finery by the fountain before the ceremony. The wedding was outside with a fab Lutheran pastor from Rachel's home church. About 100 guests I think. The bridesmaids had truly great dresses: black, knee-length, spaghetti straps, wrap V-neckline, lightly flaired from the waist. Four girls of different heights and sizes, and they all looked great. And one could get away with wearing them again. Really. The holy grail of bridesmaid dresses.

Kevin is wearing his black pinstripe suit from H&M with a pink on pink striped dress shirt, monocrome pink tie, and black loafers. He looked so wonderful.

After the ceremony, we had appetizers and cocktails before dinner while the bride and groom took more pictures. This is Kevin with his Dad. I don't know how we missed getting photos with Kevin's mom. She looked amazing! She spend lots of time helping Kevin's sis with her two little ones, because she's an awesome Nana like that.


The matting for their engagement photo was mirrored, so we signed it with an etching pen. Very clever.

Her color scheme was black and white with hot pink accents. Gorgous. We had table assignments, menu cards, and the tables were labled based on places special to the bride and groom.
Can you tell I'm not wearing a bra with this dress? Very brave of me, post-nursing, don't you think?
Aren't they cute? The cake tasted great. I was really full by now, or I could have eaten lots of pieces.
In between dancing (Kevin dances with me at weddings. He's the best) we drank lots of wine and chatted with everybody.

We left the party around 10:30pm. Not bad on three hours of sleep and a 2am wake up call that morning. We slept in Sunday until 7:30am, hung out at the pool, hit the brunch with the family, and then played in the pool some more until we were forced to check out. But even after checking out, we could still use the pool! Kevin and I were the only adults using the water slide. But we did let the little kids cut in front of us.
After leaving the hotel we went to Doug and Rachel's house for presents (we still need to get them one. We realized we'd forgotten that part...in Arizona around 3pm) and pizza. More family time, then back to the airport.

It's painfully obvious who lives in Arizona and who doesn't.

The trip was amazing. We missed Patrick and would love to take him back, but it was a treat to have adult time for more than a few hours. He did great with Grandma and Craig, and seemed happy to see us the following morning. Then he spent the rest of the week having a meltdown.

One Particular Harbor

It's been a rough, rough week. As anybody who has had the slightest contact with me is aware, my child was free to a good home this week. I had no takers, as the market for a whiny, picky, grumpy, demanding, fit-throwing toddler was rather weak.

Patrick was not much fun to be around. I don't know quite what it was. A phase? Angry at our weekend absence (pictures coming, it was a blast)? Feeling sick? Teething? Possessed by otherworldly creatures? Toddler frustration at life?

Odds are, it was a mix of a bunch of different things. Who knows what will work today, and if it will work tomorrow.

But today was a good day.

21.5 months

Dear Patrick: You are 21.5 months old! A toddler!


Sigh.


I love you, my sweet wonderful boy. And you are challenging me to No End at this time. Toddlerhood is tough on your Mommy. You just want things so badly. To play in the sink. To play with the box of cereal. To play with my razor. To play with my very expensive make-up. And you do not take kindly to being re-directed. However, it gives you the opportunity to practice your favorite work "No" quite often.


I'm still rather fixated on your language skills. I'm sure that you are trying to tell me more than I am understanding. And occasionally a phrase comes through loud and clear. Today it was "My Daddy" after another Daddy joined an impromptu playdate at the house. (And if you are going to make me insane, can't you at least say Mommy? Throw a girl a bone, here.) Everybody, including your father, tells me to be patient, that you will make way in your own time. But it's hard, my darling boy. Even if I can't give you what you want, I can at least address it. That would be nice.

You are almost done nursing, and I find that I am ready. Once a day, at nap time. And after a few days of detoxing from Grandma Party Weekend, we'll be slowly tapering that off as well. You are ready too, I think. You are usually more ready for change than I give you credit for. The challenge comes with finding a new naptime routine. It's just so EASY to nurse you to nap. As with most of my parenting issues, giving up convenience for growth gets me every time.

Every day I find something new that you have learned. At Raissa's I realized you could match colors, as you placed differently colored balls on their matching holes. You quickly master new puzzles, even ones with two pieces that fit together. You are very tactile, and like to figure out how things fit together. But you shine in your physical skills. Jumping, climbing, and running keep you very busy at the playground. And you finally like the swing as well (for a little bit).

It's hard to keep up with you, both physically and emotionally. There are many days when I feel like I'm just not on top of it. I worry that you are "running the house" and I'm doing doing well by you as your Mom. I now see how easy it is to just want to make your kids happy, but doing so cheat them out of important personal skills. Like patience, self-discipline, respect for others. I hate seeing you upset, but I know I'm not doing you any favors by giving in. It's very hard, my sweet boy. I'm reminded of a comment I hear from lots of parents in various forms. "These traits will make him a wonderful adult, but a very hard child." At this moment, those words ring true.



Yet you remain fun, loving, playful, exhuberant, and constantly on the go. You are my number one, sweet Patrick. I love you so much. I'm sorry I don't know what I'm doing right now. But neither do you, so I guess we're even.

Love
Mommy