Turns out I will still be a crazy person

Kevin tore out the carpet in the living room and the laminate in the entryway. The dining room is next. The laminate in the kitchen and utility room can stay, but only because Kevin's going to lay the new floor right on top.

Our house is a disaster. Boxes and piles and everything out of place. Until the OSB is installed, I can't let the baby on the floor. My I-Want-To-Walk-Now Baby. The one who hates to be restrained and can't be bribed with more Charlie and Lola.

I'm going to lose my mind before this process is over. And given that Kevin and I rarely have a moment to do these projects, it's not going to be a three-day-rush ala The Larson's Roof project. It's going to take WEEKS.

I rushed off to my Mom's this weekend so Fiona could crawl on the floor and I didn't have to deal with my mess of a house. I don't mind a little dirt. I have dogs and realistic expectations. But I HATE the clutter. The boxes everywhere and shelves over-flowing. It just makes me so cranky, which leads to picking on my husband, which leads to a very ill-tempered husband. So I'm taking a very deep breath, a swallow of free beer from Dave, and all the self restraint God will give me, and letting it go.

But in the meantime....

I'm desperate for afternoon playdates. If I call you, please say yes! Think of poor baby Fiona needing to crawl on somebody else's floor!

To my Dad on his 60th Birthday

Dear Dad: Happy Birthday! I've been thinking of you more and more, these last few months. I'll admit, it's been an up and down road for me, grieving your death and missing you and being really angry about lots of things.But slowly, slowly, I'm moving past the anger and remembering how much you loved us and how fun you were. So clever, a hard worker, a bit of a prankster and a master story teller. David inherited that effortless cool. I think that should have been mine, being the oldest and all. However, you never made me do yardwork, so I guess it all evened out.

I think you would have really liked my husband. I know you liked him in the small amounts you were with him. And you would have DUG your grandkids. They are a riot. Would you have wanted to babysit? Or perhaps you would have preferred to reign supreme as Carnival GrandDad, leaving me to do all the boring discipline. I'm going for the latter.

Two kids with the same birthday, you got lucky on that one. Mom joked that you didn't, because you guys missed the tax write-off both times plus it screwed up some work schedule thing.

We got to watch Top Gun when it came out on video. I don't think you had Mom's permission for that one, considering we were only 9 and 7 years old. But then you got me to watch The Fly by telling me it was a love story. Not so much, Dad.

I remember you and Grandpa Swanson digging this pool out by HAND. We became the very coolest family on the street. After you and Cindy got married, we had the best backyard with a couch and cable TV on the porch. Not bad for 1990. Plus we had a TV and VCR in the van long before you could custom order them. You were always ahead of your time.

This must be some summer vacation while you lived in South Carolina. That baby on your back is almost 21 now. John has grown from a great kid to a great guy. He has a workshop just like yours. David is 30 and married! You would really get a kick out of his job, working at Widmer, even though you weren't a huge beer guy. You'd love his wife. Beth is so sweet, hysterically funny, and an amazing hard worker. She'd make you laugh.

This is one of my favorite pictures of you. Kevin looked at it and said it was a "Jimmy Buffett picture." We had so much fun on those boats.

Here is my biggest expression of love to you. This is such a great picture of you and a terrible one of me, yet I'm including it for all my friends to see. Yes, I permed my hair on purpose. And I just noticed the cigarettes and vodka glass. Because it's your birthday, we'll just let that slide for now.


I heard a song on the radio driving home today by Zac Brown Band, "Highway 20 Ride." And it gave me an idea why it got to the point that you just couldn't drive us to the airport anymore. It must have been hard, always saying goodbye to your kids.



That T-Shirt was from a high school youth group. We'd tour to a bunch of churches and perform our show. You wore that T-Shirt so proudly! Never did have much fashion sense.

You arrived with that sweatshirt to our wedding rehearsal. It really made me laugh, because how could anybody miss you. Not only were you a total ham, but a shameless one at that. But you weren't the type to steal the spotlight. It's just your stories were always funnier. Even now I'm thinking that you would write this so much better.


Getting ready to walk down the aisle


Here we go.

It's hard to be a Daddy's Girl without the Daddy. Sometime I think I still get a visit in my dreams. The dreams have changed over the years, from anxious questioning to sweet nostalgia. I still think you set off our smoke alarm that one random time. I get woken in the middle of the night quite enough, thank you, so you can just stick with the daytime hiding of the keys (because I'm sure I don't lose them all that much).

We danced to "You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins. I love that song so much, but I hate listening to it because I just cry for missing you. I miss what we could have had as adults before you were lost in the fog of addiction. It happened so slowly we didn't take the time to try. Then we all had the wake up call that it was too late to try. Then you were gone. And we were left to deal with all the unsaid words, the emotions, the emptiness, and the reality that life continued on. It's been a long road for me, Dad. I regret the not-saying. You know that I love you, that I loved being your daughter. And in the end, there is nothing left but to forgive each other. And just because I'm here and you're there, love continues on.

So Happy Birthday Dad.

Love, the first Itty Biddy

Seven Months (ish)

Dear Fiona: You are seven months old, and WOW do you have a lot going on. I thought six months was a big deal, but you just keep movin' and groovin'.

You now have four teeth (two each on top and bottom), and you seem to think this entitles you to all sorts of eating rights. You'd like to feed yourself, and you'd like to feed yourself with whatever we are eating, thank you very much. Forget this baby food deal. Mommy has found it very challenging to make you food. She's got to laugh at herself: once again something she swore she'd never do has become common place. But the Sprout brand is rather nice, and you really enjoy the flavors. And we give you lots of our own stuff, cut small so you can try to get it into your mouth by yourself. I have to say, you aren't very successful. But the trying keeps you busy so Mommy can eat her own dinner.

You are standing up all the time, with less and less support. We find you holding on with one hand only, quite steady on your feet and looking very pleased with yourself. Just yesterday you made the tiniest inch sideways with your foot while standing up. So you aren't cruising the furniture just yet. But I have a feeling it won't be long.


Mommy and Daddy are working hard to get you napping on a regular basis. Poor sweet girl, you have just been stuck with the smallest of naps in between errands and chores. So we are making it more of a priority. I'm hoping it will help you settle down better at night. It's been a rough couple of weeks getting you to bed in the evening. You just don't want to stop! Your little brain continues to check it all out! So you don't want to nurse, bounce, rock, shush, or lay down. Daddy has been taking a lot more bedtimes and nighttimes after nursing is done. Hopefully more consistency on our part with help you go to sleep nicely.
You do such a good job entertaining yourself. You don't want to be alone, but you can cruise around, checking it all out, while the family works around you. As this is not your brother's strongest skill, I really appreciate it in you. It's so much fun to show you new things and watch you explore it.


You and your brother really dig each other, but as you've gotten more mobile he's become just slightly less enthralled. Now you can grab his hair, arm, toys, food, and clothes. I remind him that you are little and learning, and he needs to use his words. "Sister, don't DO that!" OK, I guess that counts. But five seconds later he's calling you "sweet girl" like Mommy and Daddy do and giving you hugs and kisses. You guys laugh at each other.

You remain entertaining, challenging, and perfectly wonderful.

I love you, my sweet baby girl.

Love
Mommy

Sweet and New

I was surprised by a visit from a friend pregnant with her first baby. She was picking up maternity/baby gear that was happily passing along. The surprise was seeing her on my porch, chatting with the family when I got home from work, as I'd put boxes out thinking she was coming in the morning. I was wonderful to talk with her and hear about their plans for this baby.

And as we talked about minivans and breast pumps, I nursed a cranky Fiona and watched Patrick flail about the living room making a constant, frantic plea for attention. The dogs were hyped up from the company. The house looked very lived in. It was the witching hour and the children were showing it. Kevin and I tried to sound optimistic and supportive about the possibility of having free time and personal space with children. "Yes, tell your husband he'll still TOTALLY have time to do things!"

OK, so we sort of lied on that one.

Patrick's First Day of Preschool

Patrick had his first week of preschool, and it was a big hit. Kevin had the privilege of sharing Patrick's big day with him. I was stuck with work stuff. But Kevin promised to take loads of pictures, and he came through with a big gold star.

Kevin managed to get Patrick into a really cute outfit. Or at least, a cute shirt. And the hair got combed. Like his Daddy, Patrick is quite particular regarding his clothing. At least he's not into shoes yet.

No problems heading into school. Patrick was super excited. We'd prepped him just enough, I think. It helped that this is our church and we spent all last year visiting the preschool rooms after church. "This will be your school when you are a big boy!" So he feels really comfortable in the space.


His teacher is another friend from church, now officially known as "Miss Lisa." She's wonderful and I'm thrilled to have Patrick in her class.




The kids all have their hooks labeled with their name. Patrick has seven kids in his class, four girls and three boys. He knows a couple of the kids from church, and one particular girl, Gracie, has been his special buddy the first two days. There is nothing cuter than watching my sweet boy hug his friends.



Little kids love big rocks.

I just can't believe this is my big boy. I get to take him this Tuesday. I can't wait!

ps. Kevin met me in the parking lot where I was doing my work training. He made me a wonderful slide show with pics of Patrick from babyhood to the first day of school. And he synched with a Jimmy Buffett song! He's major awesome, and it was the most beautiful present. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to post it on line. Maybe somebody (Lisa) will help me?

Miracle

Fiona woke up sometime around 5:30am. She'd spent a good portion of the night in our bed because she REFUSED to settle down. She'd be fast asleep in my arms but wide awake the second I tried to lay her down. She finally got into her crib around 2ish.

I dozed off and on with her, rocking and nursing from the chair in her room. When I looked at the clock in our room, it said 7:30. Oh No!

"Kevin," I called. "We're supposed to be going to the early service in order to have breakfast with Barb and Don!"

The early service starts at 8:30am. This means we have 45 minutes to get 2 adults and 2 kids ready for church in order to leave the house at 8:15 to get there on time. Luckily, we live close to church.

And we made it with five minutes to spare.

That, my friends, is a Sunday miracle.

The first

We attended Patrick's very first Back-To-School night at his preschool this evening. We met his teacher, made an art bag, played with some toys, and got our calender and class list. It felt very other-worldly--seeing what day we were assigned to bring snacks and learning about the Scholastic Book Fair. It's that next step of parenthood. He's now Patrick in Miss Lisa's class.

I have no cute outfit picked out for his first day of school. First of all, I'm not even going to be there (sniff) thanks to ACLS training. Plus, Patrick probably wouldn't wear it or change his clothes last minute. We are in a big 10-shirts-a-day phase. And he always asks, "Whose shirt is this Mommy?" It's either Mason's, Isaac's, Jonathan's, or it's from a family member. I make him put them away, which he does. And it's a great way to see what still fits and to weed out what he doesn't like.

His preschool class has seven students with four boys and three girls. I'm hoping the even numbers will balance out the crazy boy energy and the drama girl energy. He'll know two of the girls from church, and I know one of the moms from prenatal yoga!

After months of worry about Patrick's ability to interact appropriately with his peers, I'm starting to relax. We've had loads of very positive experiences lately, and it's been a joy to watch him really play with other kids. As I was sorting through the hand me downs at Jenny A's house, the boys played really great together for the first time. They shared! They jumped on the bed! They took turns! Then he played with a new group of kids at the park that afternoon, jumping right in and joining the pack of boys on the merry go rounds. Yesterday at the zoo we ran into other friends from church. Their boy is so like Patrick, about nine months younger and without the language delays. Such a great kid. They were so happy to see each other, giving hugs and calling out each other's names. They interacted so nicely in the kids area. Not just the parallel play, but playing with each other. It was awesome to talk with the parents and just supervise. Before we really had to coach Patrick and stick very close by. I think he might be turning the corner, and it's so lovely.

But the nicest part of preschool? Two hours, just me and my girl (with an occasional husband thrown into the mix) to hang out, go for walks, and check out lipgloss at Sephora.