Getting pregnant. Kevin already says I'm doing much better this time around.
And no, you dirty birds, he's not talking about my performance.
I'm officially not pregnant this month. While I'm not surprised, I'm bummed out. I'm also OK with it. This is a drastic change from the first time we tried to have a baby. A long, 18 month journey that included fertility monitors, mucous examination, sex on a schedule, a miscarriage, acupuncture, chiropractor visits, and therapy (love therapy). And finally, Patrick. I didn't do so well. The majority of it was my own mind set. I went into it convinced that it would be difficult and filled with heartache. And I was right. And while the journey would have been the same, perhaps it could have felt different, if I'd just calmed the hell down.
Don't get me wrong. I don't get pregnant easy. But I still got pregnant without spending thousands of dollars. My blessings have been counted. I'm just rather envious of my girlfriends who can get pregnant without too much stress and bother. And I'm grateful for my girlfriends who get what it's like to not take a positive test for granted. Even as I wish none of us shared this story.
I've made a different choice this time around. I'm just going to have faith that a baby will come eventually. And in the meantime, I've cut back on booze, caffiene, and sugar. I'm got a referral for a new acupuncturist. I've seen my chiropractor. I've ordered some books. I'm scheduling some yoga and hypnosis. The fertility monitor has some fresh batteries. Most of all, I'm going to .... that dirty word ... relax.
And I do solemnly swear that I will not post some internet calender on this blog with my suspected ovulation date each month. That's just a bit much, don't you agree?
6 comments:
You can always take comfort that in your circle of girlfriends you aren't the one that has never gotten a postive pregnancy test. And that isn't to make you feel bad. It is to give you more hope.
I know I'll never get a + test and I'm very ok with that.
Actually I think that internet ovulation calendar is a great idea!!
Isn't it strange how much effort we put into getting knocked up? It was easy for me for the first three, and I know exactly how you feel seeing a negative test or getting your period. I've been trying for three months now, really trying, not just thinking I might be pregnant as an afterthought to sex, and I have yet to BE pregnant this time around. I'm with you on the relaxing, maybe it will work for me this cycle. Hang in there, it WILL happen.
Your work must make this even harder to deal with...please know you have friends in far places who are thinking of you and wishing you a swift positive test!
It can be so hard to relax while working towards something you really want. I commend you & know that it will happen in due time.
Sending all the fertility I have your way as I'm planning to use it for a few more years. :)
I don't know how to relax... so if you can figure it out, more power to you. I loved acupuncture, though, and it did seem to help knock me up. Or at least keep me somewhat sane throughout the process :)
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