Two Hours

I'm heading back to work Monday after a 10 day stretch off.

I am tired of the children.

They are tired of me.

Yesterday started with Patrick and I having an altercation over oranges and apples, and continued along the theme of Rebel Yell (They rebel, I yell) until bedtime at 7:18pm.

The plan was to hit Top Foods for some groceries and say Hi to Daddy who was covering the AM shift at the in-store Starbucks. The kids woke up before 6am. By 7am they had sippy cups of milk, breakfast on the Wiggles table, and Dora in the DVD. I hit the shower.

Two hours later, I was out the door with my sanity MIA. Why does it take two hours to get one adult and two small children ready for the day?

1. I kept getting out of said shower to remove Fiona from various dangerous and elevated areas of the bathroom. Finally I just shut her out. She sat and cried outside the bathroom door for the remainder of the shower.

2. As I got dressed, put on a bit of makeup, and used a blowdryer, the children helpfully helped themselves to my makeup and perfume. "Mommy! I smell good!"

3. "Fiona, lets put on a daiper!" "NO!!!!!" and my giggling girl flipped up and ran off. We repeated this scene multiple times until she was pinned for the dressing endevour. More screaming.

4. Anybody who expects a preschooler to put on clothes (including underwear) socks AND shoes upon first request is delusional.

5. Pack diaperbag with diapers, snacks, sippy cup, wallet and phone, find the keys, and gather all the cold weather gear. The kids refuse to wear coats. Make sure it all gets into the car.

6. Shit, where IS my coffee?

7. Find and replace Fiona's socks and shoes. Tell Patrick again to get his shoes.

8. Start loading car. Patrick runs outside and immediately pours water all over his pants and shoes. Replace Patrick's pants, socks, and shoes.

9. Fiona has a big poop.

10. Patrick asks for a drink of water. On attempt to put cup on the counter, it falls and dumps water all over the shoe bucket. Clean up water and set shoes in front of the heater to dry. Reassure weepy son that is was an accident and he is not in trouble.

11. Get children and insane Mommy into the car. Don't forget your coffee. Check for diaper bag, wallet and phone, shopping bags, winter gear, and personal sanity.