Conversations

Kevin and I have spent a large majority of our marriage in conversation. I'm thrilled to have a husband where no subject is off limits. I grew up in a family that talked about "almost" everything. Sex, money, death, drugs, AIDS, gansta haircuts, low cut tops....all were on the table and open for debate. But we weren't an argumentative type family. Just gossipy and bossy.

But lately, we have spent a lot of time talking about our relationships. With each other. With friends and family. With collegues, co-workers, and supervisors. Those we need and those who need us. How do we relate, both as individuals and as a married unit?

Three constant themes have developed.

One, we teach those around us how we are to be treated. We teach them what we will tolerate, and what we will not. Those around us, politely, oblige us by following these guidelines.

Two, we have no control and/or power with how others choose to behave around us. Rather than fight a losing power struggle, we have chosen to lay the desired power for choices at the feet of said others. Based on your choices, we will respond as kindly, compassionately, honorably, and honestly as we are able. Sometimes our abilities are stronger than others. But we do try, and we beg your pardon when we fall short. We are not interested in "playing nice." Kind honesty is more what we shoot for.

Three, there is no relationship worth the loss of our dignity, integrity, and self-respect.

My dad once told me that the right path would often be the most difficult path to walk. Not surprisingly, I find this continues to be true time and again.