Hi Mom

Mom is in Mexico. I haven't heard from her, so I have no idea if she's dead or alive. Could be dead in a ditch somewhere. But I'm sure she's fine. Mexico is a very safe country, unlike Ireland or England, which are cesspools of sin.

Lena called me last night to check up on me. Kevin hands me the phone as I'm reading outside. "It's Lena." he calmly states. Lena? From Sweden? We sounded like an 8th grade couple: "I miss you!" "I miss you!" "When are you coming home?" "We need to go out as soon as I get back!" It was 2am and still light outside in her neck of the woods. I'm so jealous. And she's the best.

Kevin and I are forcing our way through long procrastinated yardwork yesterday, with more on our plates today. It's so frustrating, spending time just to make the side look "not as bad." But the cost of landscaping the slope with every invasive plant known to the devil is so prohibitive. We'll have to hire a big portion of it out. As our time frame in this house keeps growing (seven to ten years now), we might actually get it done.

It's been a rough two weeks on the pregnancy front. I'm very discouraged and frustrated. I'm sad all too often, and work has been increasingly difficult. Between patients, co-workers, and friends, I'm surrounded by babies and pregnant bellies. To people who never had to work to get pregnant, who've never lost a pregnancy, who aren't aching for a baby, it's just too too hard for them to understand. And that's OK, lots of struggles that I don't understand out there. But that lost and left behind feeling is challenging.

But I've got a plan!

One, new projects. I need something else to think about. So I've got: budget/money planning, curtains and the fireplace mantle, front yard planting, photograph organizing. Two, cheaply look into stuff that might be getting in the way. I'm going to see an acupuncturist recommended by one of the midwives I work with and respect. I'm going to have some blood work done to check hormone levels and the like. I'm going to have an ultrasound done to see if my uterus is a common shape or something more artistic. I might have Kevin's sperm checked as well. Thanks to my hospital visit in February, I've already met my deductable for the year. So the acupuncture is covered 80% by insurance. Since my insurance is pretty crap, that's not too bad. And this can all be done by my care providers, not an infertility clinic.

But I did get a rather unusual story from my grandmother. My mom's folks celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary June 20th! She went out with her girlfriends, and he lost all his money at the casino and became a born-again Christain, again. She said that my Dad, when trying to have a baby with my Mom (always good to clarify these facts), was told by his doctor to "give strong sperm time to grow," and they needed to take a break in order to have a baby. So charming to know that my parents were having too much sex to get pregnant. I'll be sure to tell Kevin what our real problem is. :)