Starting Over

As most are aware, I had a miscarriage back in February. I would not recommend them to anyone. Rather unpleasant, a downer in most conversations, and a huge waste of money when one ends up in the Emergency Room. My out of pocket expenses, minus insurance coverage, are over $1000 for such an experience. I could have bought a very nice couch instead.

Mountains of advice abound for "starting over," "trying again," "getting back on the saddle." It's getting knocked up, part two. Most can sympathize, but I have a few who can empathize. And it's them I find myself talking to about the fear, the anxiety, and the apprehension. Getting pregnant means the possibility of doing this all over again. A one-in-five chance for every pregnancy. It's the simple odds of it.

The first six months of trying to get pregnant were irritating usually, miserable occasionally, and anxious frequently. I'm hoping to avoid that this time around. A little more relaxed, a little less stressed, a lot more fun. Most of this is me. Getting over the fear of being out of control and quit worrying about stuff that I've complete MADE UP.

But every once in a while, because you are mostly lovely people, outside influences would creep in and efficiently destroy my day with a harmless, careless comment. So in the interest of my own well being, I present the following tips for you, my wonderful friends and family.

If you tell me to "just relax and it will happen in God's time" don't take it personal-like if I rip your spleen out through your eye socket.

I'm not interested in how easy it was for you or your/mother/best friend/co-worker/high school gym teacher to get pregnant. Don't tell me those stories. I don't give a shit.

And I really don't want to hear any stories even hinting about people you know with fertility issues who haven't had babies yet. Just stop and tell somebody other than me.

I do want to hear about how you had a miscarriage and went onto have lovely healthy children who don't throw temper tantrums at Trader Joe's. I find them wonderfully reassuring.

Please tell me, members of my little club, if you become pregnant again. Then we can all pray and celebrate together. I want to give you my support, and I'll be desperate for yours.

And if we are all hanging out, could we also spend time talking about something other than your children? I adore all your children, and I'm so lucky to have friends who are such wonderful parents. But I can't share your stories. And I feel left out. Then I'm depressed. No fun.

Ask me how I am doing with everything. If I say, "Fine, thanks!" I'm lying. Ask again.

Don't call after 9pm, just in case. Let's just say Kevin and I are predictable, for the most part.

Taking me out to dinner to cheer me up when I get my period is a fantastic idea. Or buying me a present! I just love presents.


Kevin and I have been working hard with our extra time to accomplish some big goals. Getting rid of the credit card has been a big one, and we've done really well with that. We have slashed it by half in just two months. And Mom got word the Alaska land has sold! This was crazy land, available only by plane, and my Dad hung onto it for years after my parents split up (they bought it when they lived in Alaska, so over thirty years ago. I had to do some slow talking when Nancy said, "It hasn't been that long!" Yes, we are all that old, and so is the land). Most of that money will go into our new car savings account. But we are going to get the entertainment center to help get the office cleaned up. The office will eventually be the baby room. But we can't get stuff out of there until we get the entertainment center with LOADS of bookshelves. And Kevin, my sweetheart of a husband, is going to get a big boy grill. So more teeny hibatchi grills for us!

And since spring has sprung....that means yardwork. Kevin commented the other day how much I "enjoyed yardwork." That's why he lets me do all the work in the flower beds!

That's my man. Don't be jealous.