Mommy just put you down to sleep like the sleeping manuals described. You'd been fed and changed, but your eyes had yet to close. It's called sleepy-awake. Putting you to sleep when you are still awake it supposed to teach you to self-sooth, to learn it's OK to go to sleep without being rocked, bounced, fed, held. Sometimes Mommy wants to do those things with you, but you fuss until I put you down. Sometimes it's a bummer, but I think, "You'll be rather heavy to be doing those things in two years." So I say a prayer of thanks instead that you are a good sleeper. Currently.
I had a rough period this week. Daddy was gone all day, and I just couldn't seem to please you. You fussed and grumped all day long. I wanted to have a nap and cuddle with you, but you woke and cried. I couldn't shake this horrid thought: my baby doesn't love me. I felt like a bad mom. I wanted you to want me to hold you, but when you did I just wanted to read my book. We cried together. Daddy was so helpful and reassuring, but I couldn't believe it. I forced myself to write my thoughts down in an email to my best girlfriends (and who says computers are impersonal). It was terribly embarrassing to admit. But the response was beautiful. Within 12 hours, I'd gotten several phone calls, a breakfast visit, a lunchtime hangout, and bunches of reassuring emails that I was a normal mom and eight weeks. While everybody was perfect, the advice that has stuck was from Raissa. I told her I didn't know if my baby loved me. She said, "You are his whole world, he has no choice but to love you. All he knows is that you feed him, and when he cries you come." Lovely. Your mommy is so very blessed. She is surrounded by these wonderful mommies who teach her how to be a good mommy to you.
You are slowly smiling more and more. I make up songs to sing to you, mostly about how Mommy and Daddy love you. Or about why you are so grumpy. We practice the moves from Mommy-and-Baby yoga. You can find your hand with regular frequency and are greatly soothed by sucking on your fingers. As this alleviates the need for me to keep track of a pacifier, I'm in favor of your skills.
You are teaching me patience. Even grumpy, you are so very loved.
Love
Mommy
2 comments:
Yay! Raissa did have the perfect words. It was just such a sentiment I was trying to figure out how to express, but is likely best heard from someone in the midst of it. So yay for Team Comfort! :) See you this weekend ...
Jenny asked the same question at the two month mark. Dano was sometimes pretty fussy, and it was hard for Jen. I hope we helped her like your friends helped you. Love ya, AJ
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